


War Of Hearts

by TrafalgarLaw



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types, The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare
Genre: #SaveShadowhunters, Fluff and Angst, I have no idea what to tag here, Insecurities, M/M, Mainly Malec, other characters will show up as well
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-09
Updated: 2019-05-11
Packaged: 2019-06-07 22:43:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 35,684
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15229554
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TrafalgarLaw/pseuds/TrafalgarLaw
Summary: *Changed the working title from "Sanctuary" to "War Of Hearts"Alec is still in his closet and he doesn't know how to express all his feelings. But there is this one warlock who wants to help him. Both have a long way to go and they need to learn how to communicate to keep this relationship going.





	1. The moment when everything changed

**Author's Note:**

> Hello!
> 
> Here is another Malec story! So much in my mind for this and I'm excited to write it. I was chosing to start with it at the beginning and to show all the ups and down in this relationship. But... Malec will always find their way back to each other!
> 
> I hope you will like this story!
> 
> And I must admit that english isn't my first language and I also don't have a beta reader. But I will do my best with this story!

Chapter 1: The moment when everything changed

Alexander Lightwood, mostly known from everyone in the shadowworld as only Alec, who was born as the eldest son from Maryse and Robert. Even if he was loved, his parents always gave him the feeling and told him that he wasn’t good or strong enough. Especially when someone came in their life who should become his parabatai years later, Jace Herondale who became a Lightwood later because they adopted him. But that let Alec put himself always in the shadow from this young man, who happened to become his best friend anyway. 

But it wasn’t only the fact that Alec never suceeded to be good enough for his parents, it was also the fact that he noticed already very early that he was different. That he started to have feelings for Jace which one actually wasn’t allowed. Not only the fact of loving the same gender but more because he was his parabatai. The first person who has noticed it, that he was different, was his own sister. And from her Alec got told that there will be someone who will love his heart and soul. But at this time the young man didn’t want to believe this. And the only thing what he could do was at this time to hide it. Hide that he felt something for men. 

And he succeeded with it all those years. Even if was more and more the type person who was known as salty and sarcastic. Especially when it came to his feelings or to himelf. Only his closest friends could make it happen that he was enjoying the day when he wasn’t training or hunting demons. What was most of the time because he doesn’t want to think about himself and all his feelings which were inside of him. Hunting demons and everything around the institute was the only thing what was distracting him. Also because he got still so much shit from his parents and everyone around him because he wasn’t like Jace. And they were always mention that he will always stay in the shadows from Jace. But Alec tried to just do his best because he had dreams. And that wouldn’t destroy a friendship between him and Jace.

But Alec was pushing all of his own feelings away and was more pushing himself to become stronger and better while he was out on the streets to fight demons. And while Jace was mostly out to meet some girls, he was staying at the institute and working hard on himself. Also pushing his own feelings away what made him sarcastic and salty at times. But everyone who knows him, knew how to handle Alec.

That was working until someone new showed up. A girl named Clary, who was born as a mundane but she could see the shadow world. And she was starting to turn everyones world upside down. It started with Jace who wanted to help her with everything immediately and Alec because he was starting to get jealous of her. Even if it wasn’t true… he was thinking that this young woman would steal his parabatai away. That’s why he was even more moody then usual which everyone noticed but no one really cared because they knew how he was. But because of Clary and why she needed her memories back they met this powerful warlock who was taking the important ones from her. It wasn’t only a normal warlock… it was the High warlock of brooklyn and his name was Magnus Bane. And he was already starting to flirt with Alec because he could feel that there was something on him. He could feel that Alec was different from every other shadowhunter this warlock met before. That he was gay. 

And Alec must admit that he was liking the flirts from this warlock. Even if they made him also a bit uncomfortable because he was scared that this would bring out something what he tried to hide for too long already. Also… that other people would find out what he was really feeling. That was also one oft he reasons why he was pulling more and more away from the team around Jace and was more doing something what wasn’t against the rules and let him work more and more fort he clave.

Until as that one day came as Luke got injured very badly from the former Alpha from the werewolf pack of New York. That was one of the reasons why his way was leading Alec back into the loft from Magnus. Also because there were circle members around the corner and he was finally fighting with his parabatai again. But before he made his way back to the institute, he wanted to check if everything was alright.

And the young shadowhunter came in the right moment. Because Magnus was almost passing out. That was the reason why Alec was on the side from the warlock in the exact same moment to hold him before their eyes met each other for a moment. And again… there was this feeling which he felt before as he was around the warlock. What he was doing to him felt more then different and he had no idea how to handle all that. „Is everything okay?“ the young shadowhunter asked carefully while he doesn’t stop looking into the eyes from Magnus.

That was for the warlock the moment in which one he could also feel something… it was stronger then before and he had no idea what this shadowhunter was doing to him right now. But he knew that he was special. „Alexander…“ He started slowly and his voice sounded weak from all the magic he already has used for healing Luke. Then he raised one of his free hand and add: „I need your strength…“ The voice from the warlock was only a whisper which showed how weak he actually already was.

The heart from Alec was racing and he felt different then before. Especially now since Magnus was so close to him and he could see his eyes so clear. Something happened to him what he even couldn’t explain. One part of him just wanted to run away but another part wanted to stay and help and stay as close as possible at the warlock who let him feel things he hasn’t felt before. Not even for Jace. Then he was deciding without thinking a lot more to offer Magnus his hand. „Take everything what you need.“ He whispered in the ear from the warlock, which still leaned against his strong shoulder. And right after his words and also after Magnus looked into his eyes, Alec could feel how his energy was flowing through his body and right over to the warlock who was using it to heal Luke on the couch.

The feeling how his energy went through his body was different. Alec had never felt something like that before but he did his best to stay calm and not pull his hand away from the Warlock. The young shadowhunter had no idea what will happen. And he doesn’t wanted to bring anyone in trouble or danger because of it.

It only took a couple minutes until Luke was completely healed and Magnus stopped the energy flow which one he shared with Alec. But the warlock wasn’t moving away out of the arms from the shadowhunter, which was breathing a bit faster because there was a lot of energy which had left his body. But right now, Alec didn’t care. Right now he cared more for the warlock which was so close to him and who could let it happen that his heart was racing so fast. And while he was looking at him he could see the glittering skin and the lips from the other man so close to him. Something inside of the young man wanted to kiss him. 

But Alec was pulling himself together and as he could hear some words which came in his ear he came back into the reality and shook with his head for a moment. Then he took the hand away from the one from Magnus while he tried to keep his heartbeat steady. This wasn’t so easy because he had the feeling that something was happening with him. Was this only because of the warlock? „Ähm… are you… okay?“ The young shadowhunter asked before he was pulling slowly away. He wasn’t sure why but he thought that Magnus could feel how he was feeling.

Also Magnus came back into the reality as soon as he could feel how Alec was moving. „Yes… yes I’m okay.“ He whispered softly after the question from the shadowhunter. „Thank you for your help, Alec.“ The warlock add before he started to move and was getting up back on his feet. In not such a graceful way like always. But he tried not to show anything about it.

The eyes from Magnus and Alec were meeting each other one more time before the young shadowhunter was pulling away more and he was walking over to his parabatai to discuss the next steps what they are going to do now. And in the meantime he tried to push away his feelings like he always did since he felt that he had feelings for Jace he couldn’t have at this time. But this time it was different. Alec needed some time to think later. Or maybe a training session to blow of some steam and frustration.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Just a few more hours at the loft from Magnus and Luke felt great again. That was the reason why everyone left the loft from the warlock again. Everyone except for Alec. He felt bad of what happened and that they left everything so bloody and Magnus vulnerable. That’s why he decided to stay and clean at least the couch from all the blood.

At first it was quiet in the loft and just the cats from Magnus came out of his hiding spot and made some noises. But the shadowhunter and the warlock wasn’t talking until Magnus put a glass filled with Martini on the table next to him. „You know that you don’t have to do this, Alexander.“ He said and his voice was an almost whisper and he used a complete new name for Alec. And the young man needed to admit that hearing his full name out oft he mouth from the warlock felt so different and it was doing something with him. It wasn’t like as if he was serious with him like his parents would call him as he was still a child and he did something against their order. It felt different… special. But Alec tried to push it away.

„No… no it’s okay, Magnus. It’s the least I can do after all what we have done.“ He said and his voice was almost a whisper while he tried not to look at the warlock. But the young shadowhunter could feel the eyes on him that he couldn’t do something else as looking up. And again their eyes were meeting each other which was causing that his heart was beating faster.

„And you can make a break. The couch is already very clean like it wasn’t before.“ Magnus said and chuckled a bit before he was sipping on his glass of martini, the thing which was helping him to relax and to bring his magic back. But then he was deciding something. He felt like helping this young man because he knew that Alec was different. „Look… there isn’t anything you need to feel ashamed of. Maybe you think that you aren’t normal. But don’t be scared. Everything what you feel is maybe new for you but totally okay.“ And while he said that he came closer to Alec who was getting up from the ground.

„I… have no idea what you are talking about, Magnus.“ The young shadowhunter said and tried to avoid the eyes from him now. To make it easier for him, he took the glass with the alcohol the other man was putting down on the table for him. He wasn’t so sure what he should think or say right now. Could the warlock be right? That there wasn’t something wrong with him? But what was telling him that this wasn’t just something to do everything to let him think that? To change him? But would Magnus do that? Alec wasn’t so sure why but he was starting to trust this man even if he never had to deal with many warlocks before.

„Oh come on, Alexander. I know that you feel what I feel.“ Magnus said softly while he was smiling a bit and watching how he was drinking. And he must swallow down a laugh as he could see what kind of face Alec was making as he was drinking his first Martini. At least the warlock could tell that it was his first. „Listen… I… should go.“ The shadowhunter said and showed that he felt uncomfortable talking about something like that. He wasn’t used to it talking about his feelings or what was going on inside of him.

And Magnus noticed that Alec wanted to go because of this. It was working good until it came to the feeelings. That was the reason why he took the hand on the wrist from him to stop him. And as he noticed how the young man was looking at his hand he took it away and said: „Okay listen. How about you stay here a bit and join me in having some nice drinks. Nothing wrong with that right?“ And a smile appeared on the lips from the warlock. He wasn’t sure why he offered that. Normally he would just let this person leave his loft as soon as he wanted to go. Probably there was the part with his cats which were there and showed that they were trusting Alec. And he was deciding to trust his cats.

Magnus noticed that the younger man was hesitating for a moment but then he was deciding to stay. „But only because you have lost so much power and you still need someone who is looking after you.“ He was explaining while he sat down on the armrest from the couch. The warlock found that this was a lame excuse but he wasn’t saying anything. He was just smiling while he conjured another drink for the both of them.


	2. Good Morning Sunshine

Chapter 2: Good Morning Sunshine

Magnus was the first one who was waking up. He felt a lot better then the day before because his magic was fully back. A lot of rest and some of his special martinis made it possible. Actually he had thought that he would be alone with his cats in his loft again. But he was more then surprised as he saw this special shadowhunter he was drinking together with last night. But nothing more happened between them. They both fell asleep on different couches. Just Alec had some company from two of his cats, which were sleeping next to him as if they wanted to protect him. A smile appeared on his lips before he made his way into the kitchen to make some coffee.

The warlock could also make some coffee with his magic but he wanted to give the shadowhunter a few more minutes to sleep before he put the cup with the hot dark drink on the table in front of him. And that let happen that the young shadowhunter was waking up slowly. „Good morning.“ Magnus said with a sweet smile before he sat down on the armrest. Only to watch how the other man was shoving as far away from as possible and let also happen that the cats which were laying on the couch, were running away. And somehow this was hurting the warlock. Even if he tried not to show it.

„What… happened? Did I… did we…“ Alec was trying to ask what happened last night but he was only rambling because right now he was very nervous. And this noticed the warlock what let him smile a bit. In his eyes he found this was cute. But he knew what he was thinking. That something happened last night on which one he can’t remember. And even if Magnus wanted to tease this young man right now, he doesn’t want to push it too far. „We had a few drinks together, had some fun and then we fell asleep… on different couches!“ He was adding quickly because he noticed the look on the face from Alec.

He was in shock for a moment that Magnus took advantage of it that he was drunk. Actually for his first time. But even if he had some fun last night with this warlock it was kinda strange again. Somehow he made him feel things on which one he wasn’t used to. Which were new for him and the young shadowhunter had no idea how to take everything in. Should he tell him about it? How he felt? Actually he hadn’t told anyone about it except for his sister. And she noticed it very quickly. But Alec doesn’t want to except the fact that he was different and that he felt more for this warlock. Maybe that was the reason why he was jumping up from the couch and taking his jacket. He wanted to leave and just hope that he wouldn’t see this warlock again. „I better go now!“ Alec only said now while he tried to sound calm and if there was nothing.

Somehow the whole reaction from the shadowhunter and the sound from his voice was hurting Magnus. After last night he had thought they would be a bit closer to each other. He didn’t want to put this young man in a drawer and treat him like all the other shadowhunters. The older ones who were treating him like an usual downworlder. Something was telling him that Alec was different. Maybe that was the reason why he wanted that the younger man should stay a bit longer. „Do you want to stay for breakfast, Alec? I know a very great cafe which makes the best pancakes.“ Magnus suggested with a smile.

But this one was fading away quickly as he could see the look from Alec and then the answer: „No!“ He wasn’t thinking about it for long. But it also was because of his insecurity. „And… if anyone gets to know from this that I was staying here over night…“ He started and tried that his voice would stay calm and there wouldn’t be a shaking. Why was this so complicated right now? Alec had actually no idea anymore what to feel. „Don’t worry. No one will gets to know from it. My people will hate me for it forever when they gets to know from it that I let a shadowhunter stay here over night.“

But Magnus actually doesn’t care what his people would think. He never cared before and wouldn’t start with it now. Especially because he was the high warlock of brooklyn and the most powerful one. But there was another thought in his mind right now. And he wanted to know this because the day before this shadowhunter was so different and not so closed off. „Why did you share your strenght with me? To save your friend Luke?“ He asked him and was watching the young shadowhunter in front of him carefully.

For a moment Alec had no idea what to say and he was thinking for a moment. „This werewolf wasn’t my friend. It was Clary Fairchilds friend. I think… I wasn’t only trying to help.“ He admit even if this was only half of the truth. And that let happen that Magnus was raising an eyebrow for a moment. „I’m walking on this earth for very long already and I met a lot shadowhunters in my life. But no one would’ve made a decission to share their strength with a warlock.“ Magnus wanted to know why Alec did that and why he had the feeling that there was something more then that what he wanted to tell him.

The young shadowhunter didn’t know how to explain this. He didn’t know why he wanted to share his strength with Magnus. Only because of his feelings he felt since a while? But instead of showing his insecurities, he had still his wall around his own feelings, which one was there since years now, and he was stretching his back a bit before he said in a serious manner: „I wanted to help you. I trusted you.“ And this one was the truth. Something in Alec was telling him that he could trust this warlock even if he was a downworlder. But then he took a deep breath before he add: „I should go now. They are going to miss me at the institute already.“ Then he turned around and was leaving the loft from Magnus without waiting for an answer from him.

And the warlock was a bit surprised because of this answer. This shadowhunter was trusting him? Somehow that answer was taking him aback a bit and he must blink for a few moments. No shadowhunter was ever trusting him or a warlock in general. Then he could hear how one of his cats made a sound to bring Magnus back into the reality and showed him that Alec was gone. „I don’t know… but this shadowhunter is different from all the ones I met. And maybe that makes him special… I love a challenge. And you like him too, huh, Shadow?“ Magnus asked his cat and their eyes were meeting each other for a moment before the black cat got up again and went, with his tail in the air, into the kitchen. „Hm… you do. And I will get to you, shadowhunter. I love a challenge!“ He was now talking to himself before he went into the kitchen to give his cats some food and wanted also make something for himself. And somehow… the oldest Lightwood son doesn’t get out of his mind anymore.

Even if Alec wanted to go back to the institute, he actually couldn’t because there was too much in his mind right now. Especially a specific warlock and something in the body from the shadowhunter doesn’t want to see him again but there was this other side where he couldn’t forget him. And that was driving him almost crazy.

But at the end his way was leading him back to the institute. Alec knew that he couldn’t stay away from there much longer otherwise someone would get worried. Gladly almost everyone was busy and actually doesn’t realize that there was a fellow shadowhunter who came back to duty. Everyone except his sister who was working on one of the screens right now but there was a smile on her lips. „Did you stay over night at Magnus place?“ she asked him and there was something in her voice, from which one Alec didn’t know if she somehow knew something, or if she was teasing him.

„I didn’t do much sleeping.“ Was his only answer while he was putting his hands in the pockets from his leather jacket. He tried to sound that this was really true and that he was more out on patrol. But he noticed that Izzy doesn’t believe it also because she had already that thought that he was different. It was her who told him that one day there will be someone who will love his heart and soul. 

„Are you sure? Because you stayed at the loft from a very special warlock.“ Izzy was teasing Alec but he rolled only with his eyes to show that he wasn’t up for this talk. „Okay okay. But I can tell you that your mood won’t become better when I tell you that mom is here. And she isn’t really happy.“

And that let his mood indeed go more down. Of course did Maryse Lightwood came to the Institute from New York as soon she was hearing from what was going on lately. Especially because she was leading the institute together with her husband Robert Lightwood. And she wasn’t really happy and told her kids very clearly that she was expecting more from them. Also that they finally get their life in order what put Alec even more pressure on his shoulders as she was even doing it before.

Maybe that was one of the reasons why Alec made the biggest mistakes in his life… he was asking Lydia Branwell to marry him. For him it wasn’t love. It was only more for business and to make his parents proud. Because the parents from Lydia were leading the institute in San Francisco. And it gave both the opportunity to ran an institute together. 

Normally people should feel great if they were making someone a proposal or knowing that they were going to marry someone. But Alec had more the feeling more sick in this moment and he closed himself off more. From his family and his friends. And the most important thing was now… to follow the law and fighting against demons while he was still looking for the people from Valentine. But in another team then the one in which one his parabatai was going. Even if they had the same goal, they were doing it different.


	3. The Truth Hurts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys!  
> I wanted to say thank you to everyone who is reading this story! I really hope you all are liking it.
> 
> I'm sorry that the updates and new chapters takes always so long. But the heat is actually killing me and my brain. But I promise that I won't give up on this story! You will have to read a lot of stuff in the future!
> 
> For Malec!
> 
> #SaveShadowhunters

Since the day on which one Alec got engaged he hasn’t seen or talked to Magnus anymore because he was avoiding him whenever he was at the institute because he was helping with some things where he was asked for to get some answers for some cases. But mostly only because he was still confused and he still wasn’t sure how to handle his feelings he had for this warlock, which seem even more stronger then the one which he had for his parabatai. But the young shadowhunter was trying his best to keep himself busy, also with planning his own wedding. Even if he knew already since the beginning that this was so wrong.

This was only going like this until there was one day before the wedding. That was the day which one should be the worst in the life from Alec and which one he will never forget. It was the one as he overheard a conversation between the clave and his parents. And it was the first time that he heard that both were member from the circle, Valentines people. These which one they were hunting. And if this wasn’t enough, and Alec knew that he should probably just walk away and leave it, he was also hearing a fight between his parents after the meeting with the clave was done. And he could hear how Maryse was blaming Robert for it that he was cheating on her multiple times. That was even fort he oldest Lightwood son enough and he wanted to run away from this conversation.

But in that moment as he took the first step back someone was calling his name, Lydia. She wanted to talk about him because oft he wedding. And because the door was a bit open his parents could hear this and they saw him. In that moment as their eyes met each other it was clear that Alec had heard everything. „I don’t have time for this!“ Alec said quickly to his fianceé and was running away. His plan was that he wanted to leave the institute because the young man needed to think about everything what he just heard.

As he reached the door, his mother was stopping him and was trying to explain everything. Not the cheating part. More the part that she and her husband were part oft he circle. „Everyone is making mistakes, Alec. And believe me… we aren’t proud of this what happened. But you, my son…“ She started with a smile and wanted to put her hands on his shoulders, but he doesn’t let it happen. „… you can clean our name again. And I’m proud of you.“

„Just… save it…“ Alec said and his voice was colder then before and he was only whispering. Somehow he had the feeling that everyone in this institute knew exactly that his parents were part of the clave but he doesn’t want that someone was listening. „Can you just promise that you don’t tell Isabelle and Max from this…“ Maryse was asking but Alec doesn’t gave her an answer. Right now, the young shadowhunter couldn’t breath and he needed a lot of fresh air right now.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Alec was walking around New York for a couple hours while he was thinking. As if it wasn’t enough to always show and tell him that he wasn’t good enough for his parents, now his whole world was going down with all this what he just heard. If he could turn back the time, he would do it and try his best not to listen to this conversation. Because this made him even more sick as he was actually feeling right now. And there was a wish, which one he never had before… he needed a very strong drink.

And the young shadowhunter doesn’t know why but his way was leading him to one place, which one was normally the last one he would ever go. The Pandemonium club. Because this club belongs to a specific warlock. But Alec wasn’t caring about Magnus right now. It was more because he felt save at this place and he could just try to get to the bar where he was starting to order himself a drink. Alec doesn’t want to think about some stuff anymore.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Magnus couldn’t stop thinking about Alec the last couple days and he noticed that he was avoiding him. Of course he knew exactly what he was feeling but he also knew that this shadowhunter wasn’t sure about his own sexuality, which one he doesn’t want to admit. But he couldn’t help him if he wouldn’t gave him the chance. And again did the warlock think that he was attracted tot he wrong person even if he hasn’t opened his heart just yet.

But he needed some time to think about something else. That was the reason why he was in his club. The Pandemonium. And in his usual corner his people were giving him some comfort which one he was needing right now.

And he had already some drinks on his own and some fun before someone came to him, a guy Magnus hasn’t seen from time to time and from where he knew that he was working at the club. He was telling him that there was someone who was already really drunk and wasn’t stop drinking.

„And this should care me because?“ He owner of club was asking and wanted to give him a wave as his eyes were falling over to the bar. It wasn’t that crowded at the moment so he could see the person who was sitting there very well and his cloth and hair was exactly telling him that. „Okay… I take care of that…“ Magnus added quickly before he gave a young woman his glass and ignored the question what he was doing.

The warlock wasn’t even sure why he was so nervous while he was walking closer to the bar and to the person which one was sitting there. But he tried to push it away and sounded as confident as always. „Alexander, I didn’t know that you are planning of getting drunk again after our little party.“ He said and it should sound more like a joke. But from the look the younger man was giving him, it was telling him that he wasn’t so much into this.

„I need it… go away…“ Alec said and was as dismissiv as always when he wanted to be alone. But Magnus doesn’t want to leave him alone. Instead he was putting a hand on the shoulder from him before he said more friendly but also worried: „You know that this is still my club. And I think you had enough. Come on. I bring you home.“

The shadowhunter was only rolling with his eyes. He wasn’t accepting the help from the person who was always nice to him and who was trying to help him. Probably more then he was admitting it. „I don’t need your help, Magnus! I can go on my own!“ He said a bit more harsh as he actually wanted. But it was clear that he was drunk right now. And as Alec was getting up from his seat he felt dizzy and were almost stumbling and falling down on the floor if a specific warlock wasn’t quickly on his side to catch him.

„Yes yes. I can see that. How many drinks did you had, Alexander? Besides… what is going on? Why are you here? Drinking some hard stuff…“ Magnus said and showed that he was worried while his eyes fell on the glass in which one was still something from the whiskey the young shadowhunter was drinking. And in that moment as was looking back to him, the warlock could see some tears in the eyes from the young shadowhunter. „Alec…“ He whispered before he could see how he was shaking with his head. 

„I don’t want to go tot he institute… not… tonight… please Magnus…“ Was his answer and he was looking away but Alec could feel that some sickness was felt in his stomach right now. Which one didn’t appear only because of the alcohol but more because of the things he heard earlier. And the warlock noticed how pale the younger man got and let him only got more worried. Alec only heard from far away that Magnus was telling the barkeeper that he would pay the drinks from him later and then he noticed how he was taking him and leaving with him out of the club and in an empty corner. Only to create a portal there which should bring them to the loft from Magnus.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This portal let it happen that Alec felt his sickness even more and he could run into the bathroom from Magnus before he let everything out what he couldn’t hold in his stomach. He could feel how a hand was stroking over his back which showed him that this was the warlock who cared. Actually the only one who doesn’t belong really to his family. Even if everyone from there was giving him a lot of shit he needed to put up. Except for his sister. She was always there for him. „Should I make you something what let you feel better?“ Magnus asked carefully but Alec shook only with his head.

„I…“ The young shadowhunter started before he took a few deep breath. Even if he never opened up to anyone he felt like doing this right now. And he was trusting Magnus even if he still didn’t know why this was the case. „I… have the feeling that everything is falling apart, Magnus. My whole life… a lie…“

This was the moment as the warlock started to be worried and he raised an eyebrow. „Come on. It can’t be that bad. Maybe it was only a rough day. Tomorrow will be a new day.“ Magnus said with a smile and was squeezing the shoulder from Alec to show that he was here and also won’t go anywhere. But the oldest Lightwood son was only shaking with his head. „My parents… they… they were in the circle… my father… he cheated on my mother…“ He stopped and didn’t want to look at Magnus. He felt even more horrible now.

But the warlock let it happen that the shadowhunter was looking back to him and their eyes were meeting each other. „Hey… listen. I know that your parents were in the circle… they belonged to the people which were hunting me and friends of mine. But you… you are your own person, Alexander. You can choose on your own what you can do and what not. Maybe you don’t believe it but… also you will find your happiness and the things what your parents did in the past will never define you.“ Magnus was smiling and he was hoping that he was helping the young man with these words. And even if his parents wanted to kill him once in the past, Magnus was putting this on Alec, on whom he started to have a crush on and maybe there was more.

Alec let the words from the warlock sink in and he was thinking about them for a moment. Then he said after he took a deep breath: „I’m going to get married!“ And he noticed that Magnus wasn’t prepared for this and was speechless for the very first time. 

„Woah… slowly, Alexander. I prefere of having a date first.“ The warlock said and chuckled a bit because he thought that Alec was joking and to show again that he was still interested in the young man in front of him. But he noticed how Alec got up, slowly and insecure on his feet, what was different and Magnus knew that this was the alcohol. And he was on his side immediately to help him back in the living room.

„No… Magnus… I’m going to marry for real. I… I will marry Lydia… tomorrow…“ Alec said while he was accpeting the help from Magnus again and he tried to ignore his fast heartbeat or everything else what was going on in his head. Why was he just thinking that this warlock was attractive? Was it because of the alcohol or because there was really something wrong with him?

But this words were hitting Magnus hard. He hadn’t seen this coming and he needed to swallow hard for a moment while he was taking this in. „You are getting married…?“ He asked again before he shook with his head. „But… Alexander… that isn’t you! What is with your own happiness? I know you feel what I feel!“ The warlock was still trying to go through Alec. That he was seeing that he deserves better and that there is some changings in him going on he need to deal with.

„Magnus… I… I need sleep and I don’t want to talk about it…“ Alec mumbled and he didn’t want to talk about this anymore. Especially because he was still drunk and because he felt how his eyes were slowly falling down. Not because he doesn’t want to talk about this with the warlock now, more because his own body was exhausted.

„I understand.“ The man with the make up said and he was running with his fingers through his styled hair before he conjured a blanket and a pillow for Alec. And he was watching how the other male was laying down before he was making his way over to his balkony. Right now, Magnus needed some fresh air. The only thing what he wanted right now was that Alec was happy. But he wasn’t fighting for it. Or was he just wrong? No… he could still remember the look in the eyes from Alec as he was helping him with the strength and in general. Should he be completely wrong? Even if the warlock was treated very badly from shadowhunters in his past he was feeling that there was something special was happening with him and Alec. And not only the young Lightwood was trusting Magnus… also him started to trust him. But should this be over and the warlock should let happen that Alec was running right in a very unhappy life only because of his family?


	4. Fight For What You Love

Chapter 4: Fight for what you love

Magnus went to bed very late last night. He had a few drinks on his own on his balcony while he was thinking. Mostly about the shadowhunter who was sleeping on his couch… again. But he was awake early then usual. Only because one of his cats were waking him up. The warlock was growling a bit but showed the black cat that he was awake now. And he was planning to make breakfast for him and his visitor, who probably had a hangover after that night. Maybe the warlock should talk to him again… about the worst idea Alec had… getting married. Someone he doesn’t love and probably also someone who wasn’t his gender. Even if the young shadowhunter was still denying the fact that he was gay.

But in that moment as the warlock left the bedroom he noticed that the couch, on which one Alec was sleeping before, was empty. For a moment he thought that the young shadowhunter was in the bathroom. But he knew his thought was wrong as he found a piece of paper with a note from the young man that he left because he has to do it and marry this girl from the clave. Magnus doesn’t care about the name from her. He just couldn’t believe it that Alec still wanted to do something what was totally wrong only because to make his parents proud which were hurting him in so many ways.

That was the moment as the warlock felt how wrong he actually was. He knew this could maybe happen and he had also problems with trust after a long life. Maybe he was getting angry at himself for trying something different and trying to reopen his heart again. But this was totally wrong and he lashed out while he was using his magic and destroying something from his inventory. 

His cats weren’t so happy about it and they were running away quickly. Only to hide in a different room. Magnus doesn’t really care about that right now. „How I could be so stupid… shadowhunters… always there to bring you in trouble!“ He said to himself while he was running through his hair. At least that what he was telling himself. On the inside he must admit that he felt comfortable around Alec. Especially as he was sharing his strength with him to heal Luke. 

And right now he was needing a drink. Even if it was early in the morning. But there was happy hour somewhere anyway. And the warlock knew how he could go to another country. He just needed to create a portal. What exactly he was doing right after he used his magic to get dressed and to put some of his usual make up on.

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In the meantime, Alec just made it back to the insitute. He knew it wasn’t the right move to leave the loft from Magnus without a word and probably he had hurt him with this. But he knew that the warlock wouldn’t understood it if he would explain this to him. Or maybe it was because he would hurt himself because something was telling him that Magnus was right about his feelings. Of course he could still remember even if he was drunk. But there was also something else then his own happiness… family… even if there was a lot wrong right now he was still the person who thinks that family goes first. 

Alec noticed everything what was going on and that a few shadowhunters, mostly ones which came from Idris for this day, were being busy to prepare everything for this wedding which one should start in a couple hourse. And somehow he wasn’t ready for this. But he couldn’t think about this because his mother came to him immediately because she wanted to talk to him again about what happened the day before.

He was only shaking with her head to show her that she doesn’t need to say something because he doesn’t want to hear it. „I’m not doing this because of you. I do this because I want to clean the family name again!“ He said but there was still that feeling that this wasn’t right. Alec never did something only for him. He was never thinking about himself. When the oldest Lightwood son was doing something then he was always thinking about the family or the law and the clave. But there were all the words from Magnus in his mind which one he tried to push away. Even if Alec knew that the warlock was right… he also must start to think about himself and his own happiness.

But he should more focus on getting himself ready for the wedding now. That was the reason why he wasn’t supposed to go outside with some other shadowhunters to hunt demons. Alec tried to ignore his feelings he couldn’t explain. Fear probably. Because in just a few hours he would be a married man. Married with a person he doesn’t love. Will he ever start to love Lydia in the future? Alec had no idea. Right now he was thinking more about a specific warlock but he tried to get him out of his head immediately again. Then he made his way over to his room where a suit in gold was already waiting for him.

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Magnus had no idea for how long he was sitting at the bartable from this club already. He had already forgotten the name from the club and where he actually was. Also was he ignoring the stupid music because the warlock focused more on the drink and getting drunk tonight. It was a good time for this. Especially because there was this shadowhunter who doesn’t want to get out of his head anymore. „How could I be so stupid… I should’ve known better…“ He mumbled to himself before he drank the rest from his drink before he ordered a new one.

Then the warlock could feel something behind him what let him run a shiver over his body. And before he could turn around he could hear a very familiar voice behind him: „Martini… are you getting drunk again, my dear Magnus? Don’t you think this is getting pathetic?“

It was the voice from his very old friend he knew since centuries. Ragnor Fell. He wouldn’t be too surprised if he would see him. There were only two things which were making it difficult to believe that. The one thing was that Magnus knew that Ragnor wasn’t a fan of bars and clubs like that. And the second one… he was dead since a couple days. Probably that was the reason why he couldn’t believe it to see him here and he said: „You are dead…“

Some people which could hear him over the music were turning around to him and were looking at him in a curious manner. But Magnus doesn’t care and was grabbing his new drink before he left the bartable and went in a more quiet and darker corner. „I’m going to get crazy. I know that. One day it has to happen.“ The warlock was mumbling to himself while he still could feel that Ragnor was close to him.

„Oh… you aren’t get crazy, Magnus. Maybe I’m here for a reason. And maybe you should stop drinking and fight for this what matters the most for you.“ The older man with the green skin said and sometimes Magnus was hating this fellow warlock. Hating how he was saying all the things. But also he was loving him. Ragnor was one of his oldest friends. And he knew him better then anyone else… besides someone else he knows. Catarina Loss.

„What matters the most for me?“ Magnus whispered to himself and he tried to ignore the ghost from Ragnor while he took a sip from his martini. But his mind was going to a specific shadowhunter but he shook his head immediately. „You know what, my old friend. You are scared to love. That’s why you build a wall around your heart. But one day there comes someone around who can tear down those walls and give you that what you desire the most.“ Ragnor said and his voice was almost a whisper close to his ear. But Magnus didn’t pay attention tot he music in this club since a long while anymore. His heart was racing and he was thinking. „You just need to fight for it!“ The voice from the other male said this sentence again.

And that let Magnus turn around to him, his mouth open and ready to say something. But he noticed quickly that his old friend was gone and there were only a few teenagers which were looking to him before they started to talk. But the warlock doesn’t care. He was used to it that mundanes were seeing him different. There was something what was more important. Where does the ghost from his old friend came from? 

The question was answered very quickly as he could feel the pocket watch in the pockets from his designer jacket. Magnus had took it with some other things out of the house from the green-skinned warlock together with some more which they could need to find something special for waking up Jocelyn. But right now… there was something more important in his mind. Ragnor was right. He needed to fight for it. And… Magnus needed to stop a wedding.

„Hey… are you okay, old man?“ One of the teenagers asked what brought Magnus back the reality. „Who are you calling old?“ He asked them and wanted to use his magic to frighten them a bit. But the warlock doesn’t have time for this now. Maybe it wasn’t too late to come to the institute in New York just in time. Then he pushed the glass with the rest of martini in the hand from that young man and hurried to leave this club. 

Only for making a portal in a dark alley which should bring him back to New York. „I know what you want and feel, Alexander. You only need to realize it.“ Magnus said to himself and there was some confidence which was coming back right now.


	5. I'm Still The Same Person

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello.  
> I know. It took so long again until the new chapter was done. But my life is a bit busy right now. But even if it always takes a bit longer until I upload a new chapter I can promise that I won't stop writing this! Because Malec is life!
> 
> I hope you will enjoy this chapter and you have fun reading it :D

Chapter 5: I’m still the same person

Alec was now standing on the altar and he was fiddling a bit nervous on the sleeve from his golden suit jacket while he was waiting. Shouldn’t that be the happiest day of his life? Shouldn’t he be smiling and finally want to start? Instead he was more nervous and was still wondering if he was doing the right thing. More and more he was thinking about the words from Magnus. And more and more was his mind drifting away and back to a specific high warlock from Brooklyn. But even that wasn’t calming down his nerves. Until he could feel a hand on his shoulder. And he turned around to look into the smiling face from his parabatai, who was his best man. „I know you are nervous, man. But it’s normal. You can do this!“ He told him before he gave Alec a wink.

„Yeah…“ was the only answer from Alec because he knew that this wasn’t normal. He wasn’t nervous because he was going to marry in exact that moment. The young shadowhunter was more nervous because he knew that he was making a wrong decission. But he couldn’t change all this anymore and he couldn’t go on a selfish past because Alec needed to think about his family and his name. At least one time he wanted to make his parents proud. In that moment as he was thinking that he was making eye-contact with his mother. And Maryse she was already really proud and gave him a happy smile. The first one he saw on her. The oldest Lightwood son knew that he has to do this even if he was still unsure about it and he knew this was a wrong step. On the inside he was hoping that this would be over soon and he could go back to the normality and hunt demons.

But in that moment as his thoughts went over to Magnus and what he was really feeling about him, he noticed how his sister came inside to room with a little smile on her lips. Alec knew that she wasn’t happy about his decission to get marry and especially not to marry Lyida because she knew that Alec was different. That he was actually gay. But she never said something and she wasn’t saying something now. Alec knew that his sister would probably reproach him for that in the future. But he wasn’t thinking about that. 

His heart started to race in that moment as a young woman with a golden dress followed Isabelle just a moment later. And on her features everything was so different. She wasn’t so serious in that moment and it was shown that this was the happiest day in the life from Lydia Branwell. That let Alec swallow for a moment because he hadn’t expected this and now he knew that he couldn’t came away from this anymore.

Especially because there was this moment as his sister Isabelle came into the room to show that the time was there. And for a second the eyes from the siblings were meeting each other without that their parents noticed it. And she showed her big brother that this wasn’t a good idea. That this wasn’t Alec, what he knew very well. The archer also knew that Izzy was always supporting him But before anyone could notice anything she was putting a smile on her lips and made her way to her place.

And right in that moment after Izzy was on her place Lydia came in the room with a shy smile on her lips. And it was shown that this day was very important for her. That was the reason why Alec felt even more bad because he wasn’t feeling the same like her. He had the urge to just run away but he couldn’t move and he had the feeling that his hands were shaking. The archer knew that in a couple minutes he would be a married man and that he would live with a lie and he still need to hide that he wasn’t happy. Alec also felt bad that he wasn’t feeling that happy like Lyida was feeling. But he gave her a smile as their eyes were meeting each other. „You look great.“ He whispered at the end to Lydia as she was finally standing next to him and it wasn’t even a lie.

There was only a smile from the young woman because the archer could see in the eyes from Lydia that she was also as excited as he was. But Alec actually doesn’t want an answer. He only wanted that this was over soon. Gladly the ceremony was starting a moment later and one oft he silent brothers who was attending was starting to speak. And Alec was trying to think about something different then this specific warlock who was in his mind since days.

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In front of the insitute a portal opened and just a few seconds later the high warlock of brooklyn was stepping out o fit. He was still wondering if this was a good idea. But on the other hand… he wanted to listen to his old friend Ragnor. Even if he was always a strange guy and more rude, he was still a friend if Magnus needed on and he only wanted to see him happy. It was the same like with Catarina. She only wanted to see her best friend happy as well and she probably would kick his ass if he would miss his last chance.

Magnus wanted to make his way inside the institute immediately but as he was looking down on himself and even if he was looking like himself with his special cloth he knew he probably should change them into a suit which was probably better for this wedding. With his magic he changed his cloth into a dark shirt and a dark-red velvet suit. „Much better… now let’s hope that this wedding isn’t over already and Alexander hasn’t made a mistake.“ The warlock said to himself and he made his way inside, knowing that he was probably the last guest and that he was coming to it in the last minute. That he was actually nervous and his own heart was racing he was ignoring right now. Also the thought that there could be someone from the clave who could throw him out of the institute even before he came through to the wedding.

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Alec in the meantime wasn’t feeling anything anymore. Right now he wanted that this wedding would be over soon and fast that he could go back to the normal life again. Of course he knew that nothing would be normal anymore. But he wanted to go to hunt some demons. His movements were at the moment more like a machine as he was taking the stele which one should draw the mariage rune on the body from Lydia. Gladly no one really noticed it and out of the corner of his eyes the archer could see that his future wife was really happy and excited. So he couldn’t pull back.

But in that moment as he lead the stele to the arm from Lydia there was a noise from a bit away and Alec was raising his head in the direction from where this noise came from. He wasn’t the only one who heard it. There were a few more heads which were turning their heads into the direction from where this came from. And in the exact moment there was someone who came around the corner. And Alec knew this person very well. He was letting his heart made a little jump again and there were these feelings in his stomach again. Feelings which one he couldn’t explain. And in that moment as they both were making eye contact the young shadowhunter must swallow for a moment.

Magnus has stopped for a second and his eyes were searching the one from Alec and he must admit that the other male was looking great in gold. But he knew for them both that this wasn’t the right moment for him to marry. But it was the decission from the young shadowhunter to make what he wanted to do now. If he wanted to continue this he would accept it and never come back to this place. Then he noticed how Maryse came closer to him very quickly and with a serious look in his face. „Magnus, by the angels, what are you doing here?“ She asked but the warlock was stopping her while he was raising one of his hands. „This is something between me and your son. I will be gone if he wants this.“ He told her and was passing by to come a bit closer to Alec.

The young shadowhunter was overwhelmed with everything right now and he wasn’t sure how to feel or what to do now. He could hear what Magnus was saying to his mother but he doesn’t want to make this decission right now because he knew what he was feeling for the warlock and that there was this urge to finally show this to him. Alec hasn’t realized that he was breathing a bit more heavier now until he could feel a hand on his arm. „Hey. Let us continue this here.“ Lydia said softly to him and she was smiling in his direction. It was a sweet smile but the young man actually knew that she shouldn’t give this to him. She should give this to someone who truly loves her because she deserves so much more.

„I… can’t breath…“ Alec brought out in the direction from Lydia and her smile was still there. „I know. I feel the same. But it will be okay.“ She told him what was showing that she doesn’t got it what he actually meant. That’s why it was even harder for the oldest Lightwood son to explain this. And he shook with his head. „No… there is something else… someone else… Lydia… I can’t do this. You deserve someone who truly loves you.“ He told her and was still whispering. And now he noticed that Lydia understood what he was saying and the smile was fading away. But only for a moment. Then it came back and she was cupping the cheek from Alec softly before she said with some honesty in her voice: „Do what is right for you, Alec. You deserve to be happy.“

That was the sign for Alec which let him turn around and he took a few steps forward. His eyes fell on Magnus again and he has noticed that the warlock has stopped in the middle of the room. He deserved to be happy? Was this person down there the one who can make him happy? Was he ready to finally show what he was feeling and to show everyone, also clave members, about his sexuality, which one he was hiding since years? All those thoughts were in his head at the same time and Alec had no idea what to think or feel. But he knew that he wanted to be down there with Magnus. And his legs were starting to move on his own while he doesn’t took his eyes from the warlock and he was watching how he was coming closer to the other male.

But Maryse was stopping him and she was holding his arm before she said with an even more serious voice: „Alec, what you are doing? You should go up there and do why we are here! The clave is here!“ But the archer wasn’t really listening to his mother. His eyes were still at the warlock and his own heart was racing. He was scared. Not because of his feelings and that Magnus probably couldn’t feel the same, more because this would show everyone that he was gay… that he was different. But he took away his arm out of the grip from Maryse before he continued the way over to Magnus.

Even Magnus was showing a bit that he was nervous. He was wishing that this was going the exact same way but he hadn’t imagine it that so many people would watch him. And for a moment he thought that Alec would pull back. That he wouldn’t say anything and just leave the room. He hadn’t thought that he would stop the wedding but while the young man came closer to him he was smiling a bit and his heart was making a few flips. He had some feelings in his stomach which one he hasn’t in him anymore since a very long while… since decades. 

„Alexander…“ The warlock whispered in that moment as Alec was close to him. He wanted to say more. But in the moment as he could feel how the fingers from the archer were grabbing his collar from his jacket that let him pull closer to him before he could feel warm and soft lips on his own, he was sure that this wasn’t the right time. He even hadn’t the chance to kiss back because this was over way to quickly.

But Alec had other plans right now. His confidence was free and he wanted to explore so many oportunities. This short kiss was only to show that he wasn’t like everyone else. To show that he wanted to do this since a very long while already… kissing a man. But with the second kiss, he was pulling Magnus into, he was showing what he was feeling for the warlock and even if he hasn’t kissed anyone before in his life, Alec was closing his eyes to enjoy this even more. He could also feel that Magnus was starting to kiss him back. And because the young shadowhunter wasn’t so experienced in it, the kiss was more messy but still with a lot of passion.

Everyone in the room were quiet for a moment while they were watching the scene. But then there were the first shadowhunters which started to whisper. The friends from Alec were also watching the whole scenario but they were more happy about it that this finally happened. Especially Izzy who knew since years how her brother was feeling. And she was proud of him and showed this already. „Did you knew this?“ Jace asked the woman with the long and dark hair. He was even more curious now. And Izzy were looking at the male with a smile on her lips. „About him and Magnus? It was obvious.“ She said and gave Jace a wink. She doesn’t want to say more because she actually had no idea if Jace should know that her brother was in love with him before. But now… it was more looking like as if this was a crush. Because he found his real love in this warlock and she couldn’t stop watching this scenario.


	6. Hurt Feelings

Chapter 6: Hurt Feelings

The air in the room was getting very tensed and the whisper from the guests which were mostly from the clave was getting louder. But Alec doesn’t care. For him there was only one person. Magnus. And this coming out was overdue! Now he must admit that he felt as a lot of weight fell down from him and it let him smile into the kiss.

But even if he wanted to continue these kiss, they needed to go apart again because of the lack of air and they both needed to breath again. Alec opened his eyes and was looking into the dark glamoured eyes from the warlock. He was close to drift away because of this warm look from other male but in that moment the young shadowhunter was brought back into the realitiy as his mother was asking him what the was going on and that he made a fool out of the whole Lightwood family. And she just wanted to say something to Magnus but Alec was stopping her immediately. „Mum, he has nothing to do with it. I… felt like this since a long time. Now… everything is out on the open. I’m still the same person.“ He tried to explain his strict mother and gave her a smile to lighten up the whole situation a bit.

What wasn’t working of course. It was as if Maryse would show that she doesn’t care what was going with her eldest son. „You threw the family name into dust, Alexander! Do you really needed to do this in front of the clave?“ Then she turned around and was almost running away to show that she doesn’t want to talk about this anymore. „Give her time.“ Said a male voice next to Alec. It was his father and he was hoping that at least him would stand on his side. But his look was saying something different. „I think we all need time.“ And after he said those words he also left the room. 

Alec wasn’t sure what he should think about this now. He knew that this was the wrong moment for his coming out. But he needed to do this before it was too late. On the inside the archer was hoping that his parents will accept it. Aceept his feelings for men… for Magnus. And as he thought that his eyes fell on the warlock again who gave him also a look to show that he felt sorry for what just happened but that he was also proud. But before the shadowhunter could say something Jace and Izzy came to him and both couldn’t still believe it what just happened. 

„So… are you on our side now again? Are you up for it to join our mission, brother?“ Jace asked and he showed that he actually doesn’t care what just happened or who he was loving. „Besides… I somehow had always the feeling that you had nothing much for woman.“ His parabatai add and he was hitting the shoulder from the young man in a playfully manner. Normally Alec would tense up immediately but right now he was smiling and showing that he doesn’t care.

„Yeah… count me in. I know you must have missed me, brother!“ Alec told his friends and family and he gave Jace a wink which was also new. „Whatever you just did with my parabatai, Magnus… don’t change it back!“ came from Jace and together they left the room to make their way in another room where Magnus was letting show up all the stuff from Ragnor and what he found in his house what might be important to find the object they needed to wake up Jocelyn. Alec had noticed that Lydia was already gone. He knew that he should apologize for everything later because what just happened she doesn’t deserve it. Even if it was complicated between them before. 

But right now… there was much more important things to do and he was listening to the story from everyone about what they were looking for, while he was taking his golden jacket off and he threw it over the next chair. „So… and how should these stuff help us to find this book?“ Alec asked and was pointing with his fingers to everything what was on the table. And right now… he was trying to avoid the look from Magnus. It wasn’t the time for them right now.

„Warlock tracking is much more powerful. With the right thing which maybe belongs tot he book or was close to it I could figure out where it might be right now.“ Magnus said and was checking out the things again. Until there was something which looked more like a piece of fabric. It was lose in another book and that let him raise an eyebrow because it was catching his attention. And without thinking he took it with two of his manicured fingers and took a step away from the table to focus.

It needed a bit until he saw some pictures which let him open his eyes again and tense a bit up. And this was seen from Alec who was getting worried immediately. „Magnus? What did you see?“ He asked him and wanted to come closer to him to put a hand on his shoulder. „Where ist he book?“ The young shadowhunter add and in right this moment the warlock turned around and they were looking into the eyes from one another for a moment.

„Not where it is… who it has and who knows how it might be!“ The warlock started and must swallow. Actually he doesn’t want to see that person again. And he knew exactly why. But he doesn’t want to mention this right in front of the young shadowhunters. And if this person was the only one who could help them and also Clarys mother then he needed to push his problems with them aside. Magnus was looking from Alec to all the other shadowhunters in the room before he add: „Camille has the book…“

Everyone was surprised but with a quick idea how they will get Camille out of the Hotel Dumort they went apart to make themselve ready for everything that it was only Alec and Magnus and the warlock gave the young shadowhunter a smile to show that he was still proud of him. „Ugh… you have no idea how glad I’m that this is all over… it was so… intense…“ The young man started and had this urge to kiss Magnus again. Right here. But something was stopping him.

„Hm… you had pretty good arguements to how say something, Alexander.“ Magnus said in a teasing manner and he gave him a wink what let Alec smile a bit. And he must admit on the inside that he was starting to like it how the warlock was saying his name. But before he could respond to these words he noticed how his mother came back to him. And even if he had the hope that she changed her mind he noticed that this wasn’t the case. The look from Maryse was still cold and she wanted to know since how long it was like that.

Alec had no idea how or what to say. He knew that he was gay since a few years but with Magnus… it happened actually slowly. And the oldest Lightwood son wanted to explain this but he hadn’t any idea how. That’s why he was stuttering a lot. And that was the reason why Magnus stepped into this and said with a friendly smile: „It doesn’t go for so long. You don’t have to worry, Maryse.“

But Maryse gave Magnus only a cold look which could’ve probably killed him if this was even possible. And this look was shown that she wasn’t liking the warlock. „By the angels… with everyone you could’ve chose… a downworlder?“ The last word she was splitting out as if this was a bad word and this let the smile freeze on the lips from the warlock. He had actually thought that Alecs mother has changed. But it was shown that this wasn’t the case. Of course that shouldn’t stop him to come closer to Alec even if the whole family thing was making everything more complicated.

„Okay… I think I’m going back to my loft. I see you there.“ The warlock said to Alec and he was touching the arm from him for a second. But that moment let happen that a shiver ran through the body from the young shadowhunter, what he tried not to show and he gave him only a nod. The archer knew that he needed to change his cloth and go back to his usually black cloth and leather jacket.

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In the meantime had Magnus created a portal back to his loft to prepare everything what was probably going to happen soon. Also to prepare himself fort he meeting with this vampire. Probably everyone knows that the warlock and Camille know each other. But probably no one knows that they also had a history together. Because they were lovers once. But it all went into hell for him because of what the dark haired vampire did to him. 

Magnus doesn’t want to think back but the problem of an immortal warlock was that he couldn’t forget about the memories. And how Camille was treating him let his heart shatter and let him believe that he could never love again. 

But now… here he was… starting to fall in love with a shadowhunter. Even if he had no idea if this could work because he had no idea what Alec wanted. But he felt from the kiss that there was more as only to show that he was gay and to come out of the closet. There was more and he could still feel it on his lips. Maybe Alec could make it happen that everything what happened between Camille and him would be forgotten. But this will be only shown in the future. Now he has to deal with the vampire and the warlock wasn’t so happy about it to see her in his loft. Of course he was preparing already with her charme and her flirting but he doesn’t want to answer this. At least that was his plan. If this was possible he needs to see it.

Then he got a text from Jace who let him know that they brought Camille out of the hotel and they will be there soon. Great… not much time to prepare himself. That’s why he was making himself a strong drink as well which one he was drinking in one gulp before he poured himself another one. Probably not the best how to handle stress right now but the warlock doesn’t mind. Actually the only thing what he could hope that this was over soon and that Camille would leave as well.

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Magnus had prepared some things already as he noticed through his protection spell that someone was going to arrive. And he knew that this could only one person. And before he could turn around, he could already hear her voice and that she was starting to flirt again. „My dear Magnus Bane. How much time fly by already?“ She asked and as he turned around to her he noticed how she was coming closer to him.

„Not so much time as I had wished.“ He said and his behavior against her was more cold and he was on distance. And the warlock could see it in the eyes from the female vampire that she was surprised by this. „Oh come on… are you still mad because of what happened? You knew I come back to you, my dear. We have all the time in the world.“ She said with a sweet smile that every man had catched them with her magic. Also the warlock if he wouldn’t know her already. But he does. That’s why he wasn’t changing his expression to her.

„You, my dear Camille, had destroyed it!“ Magnus only said because he doesn’t want that someone else would get to know what was going on between them. What would he give to come tot he more business part. He had enough from all of this already. And the warlock was planning already to have a few good nights at his club or just go on holiday for a couple days. But before he could do something else, he noticed how a hand was turning him around to the dark haired vampire and then he could feel lips on his own what was catching him with surprise. Of course Camille was using his vampire super speed.

But she did this only because people were coming to his loft. And from everyone who had catched them with this was this person the one he tried to come closer to. And of course he saw how the warlock was kissing Camille. She was grinning broadly right now. Oh what she was hating her right now. „Okay listen. I can explain it.“ Magnus started immediately and his eyes were searching for the one from the dark haired shadowhunter. But he wasn’t looking at him right now.

Actually… Alec was hurt. He wasn’t stop thinking about the warlock the whole time. And he wanted to be at his loft as fast as possible. But to see the man, who he started to had more then only a crush, was kissing someone else. This vampire he was already hating more then anyone else. Maybe falling in love was the worst thing he could do and it was as if his own heart was falling in pieces. Alec had thought to try something but this was the last thing what he wanted to see. „We should talk about business! And that’s quickly!“ The archer said and his voice sounded cold and on distance again like before his coming out.

But Camille could smell that something was going on and she chuckled like a little girl. „Oh… now I understand. You always had a thing for tall guys and dark hair. But I can understand that. He looks cute. But sad that he won’t last.“ She said and was pouting a bit while her fingers were touching the shoulders from the warlock. „If you keep up with this… you won’t last!“ Izzy said and her voice was cold as well and it was also a threat in her voice. „And now stop with what you both are doing and let’s get this book!“

Magnus wasn’t expecting those words from the sister from Alec. But the situation was clear right now and he couldn’t explain it different except with a sign with his finger to show that she was totally crazy. But again he was searching fort he eyes from Alec. But the young man was avoiding him and his only chance was to come through him again was either in the moment they were leaving or they were searching the book.

So he tried it after they all prepared themself to go to the place from Camille and he stopped Alec who was ready to leave the loft. „Alexander, believe me. This wasn’t like it looked like.“ He said softly and let his fingers brush over the fingers from the younger male. 

But Alec was taking his hand away immediately. „For me it was clear. Now let’s find this book and let Clarys mother wake up again that all this is over.“ The young male was saying and showed that he was hurt. For him was now the mission important.

But the whole thing let both men be hurt. And Magnus knew that this was exactly the thing what Camille wanted. To destroy things. Destroy people who tried to be happy.


	7. Insecurities

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well... hello!   
> This time the next chapter is coming a bit quicker then the last ones. I promise that I won't let you wait for so long anymore!
> 
> And this time this chapter has a special dedication to a person who is like a really great friend for me! It's her birthday today and I want to tell her on this way Happy Birthday and thank you for being there for me and put up with me! Never forget that you are amazing!
> 
> And now... to everyone else... Have fun reading the next chapter :D

Chapter 7: Insecurities

Magnus had planned to talk with Alec about all of that what just happened on the way. To come close to him again and to show him that all this was only a totally missunderstanding and that his feelings for him were more real like his magic was. But it was impossible. Espacially because Alec didn’t pay much attention to him and because Camille came always in between. And it was like that until the team were arriving the private house from the vampire.

Alec tried not to show what he was feeling right now. He was back at putting his feelings away and showing his usually cold side. No one was surprised by this even if Izzy thought that her brother would be different now. But what just happened was too much for the shadowhunter. There were thoughts in his mind and maybe he started to overthink this. Of course he knew that Magnus must have some lovers in the past. But not that they would show up and intimdate him with those words. Even if they were true. He would die… maybe on the next mission. Alec still couldn’t stop looking at Magnus and maybe his eyes were checking him out from time to time but right now… he wasn’t sure what to think.

Then they all were arriving the library from the big house and the flirting from Camille was over. It was more then obviously that she was still interested in Magnus. But everyone was annoyed from it. „Okay… now tell us where the book is!“ Jace said to finally stop all the crap and go tot he more serious things. And on the inside Alec was glad that he was stopping this. The dark haired shadowhunter hadn’t thought how long he could take it. 

But as everyone saw the smile on the lips from Camille they knew something was wrong. „I don’t know what you want… I brought you to the book you wanted. So… here is it… somewhere. And now… have fun searching for it. I have something to do before the sun goes up.“ She said and was gone before anyone could do something.

„I knew she is going to screw us!“ Jace was calling out and he was hitting with his fist against the table. Alec knew the same and he was also angry because of her but before he was doing something what he will regret he made his way already to the other room. „Of course she didn’t want to cooperate! But we need the book. And if she is right then it must be here somewhere. I go and check the other room.“ He said and with those words he was disappearing there. And actually he thought that he would be alone that he could finally breath again. Or finally stop thinking.

But Magnus took the chance and followed the young shadowhunter. Only because they could be finally alone. And maybe he could say something to him what he was trying immediately but the warlock realized quickly that Alec wasn’t really listening to him. Or he wasn’t interested in a conversation. Right now he was out of ideas because he didn’t know how he could show how important the young man was for him. Magnus couldn’t believe that Camille destroyed everything… again! And even if they both were immortal, the warlock would prefere thousand of other mortal lovers then going back to her. Because now he realized how toxic she actually was. 

And before he or Alec could think about something serious again, something happened what no one actually did see coming. Shadowhunters came in and they were catching them both in surprise. But it wasn’t normal shadowhunters. They all realized quickly that they belonged to the people from Valentine. And the both male hadn’t the time to do something because they were catching them immediately. „If you are going to do some stupid things you and your little friends will be dead!“ One of the guys said and Alec was disgusted from the grin on their faces.

But as if this wasn’t even enough just a few minutes later someone were showing up no one had actually thought to see him… Valentine. And he made some things clear before he left with his people again. But not alone… he was also taking Jace with him. Clary wanted to follow them but Alec was stopping her even if he wanted to follow them as well. Because the other young man was his parabatai after all. He should be there to protect him. And on the inside there was a thought that he failed. That he lost his brother and best friend because he couldn’t even protect him. 

The only positive thing what happened in this building was that Clary and Izzy found the white book and for a moment Magnus was forgetting everything as he was stroking over the back with his manicured fingers. He had never thought to get this book in his own hands. „Okay. I would suggest we are going back at the institute and waking up your mother, biscuit!“ The warlock said and looked around and in the sad and surprised face from all the shadowhunters because no one could still understand what just happened. But he will also help to find Valentine and get Jace back. He also felt responsible fort hat. And Magnus noticed that Alec didn’t felt very well what he could understand because the blond shadowhunter was his parabatai. And what was important for him would be also important for the warlock.

Then he was creating a portal and brought everyone back to the institute where Luke was already waiting. And he gave him the white book before he told him that they should go to the room in which one Jocelyn was still sleeping. He wanted to follow as soon as possible. On the questioning looks from them he doesn’t gave an answer and only followed Alec because he wanted to be alone. 

„Alexander, listen. What just happened…“ The warlock was starting while he followed the young shadowhunter around the corner to the private rooms. Somehow he wanted to explain something but had no idea how exactly. The only thing what Magnus wanted was to get the trust from Alec back. Especially since there wasn’t anything between him and Camille anymore.

But Alec didn’t know anymore what he should feel. There was emptiness in him which was getting bigger every moment since Jace was gone and he couldn’t feel him anymore through his parabatai rune. That’s why he was even more sad then usual. But as Magnus was trying to talk to him there was something in him who was appreciating this because he noticed that the warlock was really interested in him. Also other thoughts which came in his mind. He wanted to say it out loud. „Magnus… what’s the matter between you and me?“ Alec asked and leaned against the wall. Not because he was weak but more because he needed something where he could hold onto.

Magnus was stopping in front of Alec and he was almost leaning on the wall on the opposite from the young shadowhunter. „What do you mean? I know you need time. I know that all that what happened is fresh. But I will be here…“ He told the younger male but noticed how he was shaking with his head and he stopped while his own heart was racing.

„What are you fighting for if you see everyone you love age and die?“ Alec asked and knew he was sounding pretty harsh right now. But he was also honest. „I would die! Maybe in the next battle!“ He add and noticed how his own heart was breaking. But he realized that he wasn’t immortal and that this probably wouldn’t work even if he had loved to want all this because Magnus was the first person ever who let him gave a good feeling and who let him feel special. While everyone else pushed him for things and he needed to function. Especially for his parents and fort he clave. But… was he wearing glasses? Could that even work?

„Alexander… I might be immortal… I’m maybe the high warlock of brooklyn… but even I have no idea what the future holds. Please… think about it.“ The warlock was trying to get through Alec right now. He knew now that the problem wasn’t Camille… It was more that he lived for centuries. Or was it bot hone problem? Magnus needed to know how to solve this. He had no idea why he was so interested in fighting for Alec. Usually he would just walk away and have one or two drinks somewhere. But he was still thinking about the ghost from his friend Ragnor. This young man in front of him unlocked something in him.

But they both got disturbed because Luke was searching for them. „Magnus, everything is prepared. Or… do you both need a moment?“ Of course does the werewolf could feel already that there was something between them. It was felt in the tension which was in the air right now. 

For a moment Alec was fighting with himself because he didn’t know what to do. But then he shook with his head. „Go.“ He told the warlock. „I think we are done here. I… I need some time alone.“ The younger man add before he was looking to the ground for a moment. His heart was still beating fast for the warlock but he tried to ignore it. Even if this was hard. 

Then he turned around and left in the hallway while he noticed how Magnus was watching him. And he had a worried look on his face. But he didn’t want to give up on Alec. The warlock knew that he needed someone more then anything because he felt that the younger man was falling in a darkness. And the immortal man wanted to be there and wait for him to catch him. Then he took a deep breath before he followed Luke into the room and he was grabbing the white book to search fort he right spell. Only to wake up Jocelyn with it. It wasn’t easy because the spell was hard. But Magnus was the high warlock of brooklyn and he made it happen. Even if he doesn’t felt that happy about it like Clary felt. Only because he was thinking about Alec.


	8. Anger out of control

Chapter 8: Anger out of control

Magnus was worried because of Alec. He could only imagine how the young shadowhunter was feeling now Jace was gone. And he doesn’t need to be a nephilim with a parabatai. The warlock had heard stories about this and what was going to happen with a parabatai if the other part is dying. Maybe he was even more worried now and that was the reason why he made his way over to the institute to check on the young male, he started to have feelings for. Especially because he hasn’t heard anything from Alec.

And the warlock found the younger man on the roof from the institute where he was standing and looking into the dark night. Right now Alec felt emptiness in his body. Usually there was always something since he and Jace were sharing their bond together. But now… he felt empty and like he was exploding every minute. Actually that happened earlier while Magnus wasn’t around. He was yelling at his sister and to some other shadowhunter who couldn’t give him the right answer or who wasn’t helping them with all this. Maybe the fact that he hasn’t slept a lot the last days was also a fact.

Magnus had heard from what happened earlier and he was even more worried. That’s why he was here now. Also because he was hoping that he could help Alec with his thoughts. „Alexander…“ He said as the warlock joined the young shadowhunter on the roof from the institute and he came a bit closer to him. But he noticed how tensed the young shadowhunter was. „I heard from your sister where I could find you. I was worried.“ Magnus add and he was honest right now.

As Alec could hear the voice from a very familiar warlock he turned around and swallowed a bit. He knew that his feelings for this man would be going a solo run. But right now… there wasn’t anything. And only because his parabatai was gone and he could only think about that. „I’m fine.“ Was the only answer before he turned around again. The dark haired shadowhunter wanted to be alone. He needed a plan how to get Jace back.

„Alexander… I don’t know a lot of your bond you have with Jace but… I can see that you are not fine. And I’m worried. I’m not the only one.“ He said slowly and he was also showing that he was caring.

But it wouldn’t have mattered what he had said. Everything would be wrong in the ears from Alec anyway right now. And he showed it while he said with a harsh tone in his voice: „You are right! You don’t know anything! Otherwise you would know about the emptiness in me! Normally I always knew where Jace was or how he was feeling. He is a part of me! If he dies… a part of me dies too! But now… I can’t feel him! I don’t feel anything anymore!“ The young shadowhunter was running with his fingers through his hair. He wanted to find his parabatai. Quickly.

Magnus noticed how the mood from Alec was going to change and that he was going more tensed. Maybe that was the reason why he wanted to calm him a bit down. Why he wanted to show that he was there for him. „Alexander, I know. And believe me. I would help you if I could. But you need to calm down and sit down for a moment.“ He tried to stay calm because it was also hurting him to see how the young shadowhunter was treating himself. And Magnus took a step closer to him and made a movement to touch the shoulder from the young male in front of him.

But he doesn’t want to let this happen while he moved a bit away from the warlock. And before he could say something to him Alec said without thinking: „You actually can help. You can help me track Jace!“ „Alexander, I can’t help you with that. Not again. You almost died as you tried to track your parabatai with your rune.“ Magnus tried to explain this as calm as possible. And he was hoping that the young shadowhunter understood this. Understood the worry about him because of his feelings and because he was caring. The warlock hasn’t cared so much for anyone like he did right now for this young man in front of him. 

What he couldn’t know before… that he was wrong. And that was shown in the features from the young shadowhunter which changed from tensed to getting angry. „Why you can’t do just one thing?“ Alec was asking and he was almost yelling what let happen that Magnus was more then only surprised and he was looking for the right words. But he hadn’t the time because the shadowhunter continued to yell at him: „After everything what I have done for you?“ And for him the conversation was over. He was showing it that he turned around and left the roof back inside the institute. In that moment as an alarm was going of. A sign that someone was calling for a meeting.

Alec left a totally frozen Magnus who had no idea what actually was going on. The words from Alec came through him slowly. But they started to hurt. Of course he knew it better. Not the shadowhunter did this for him… he was helping the younger male to finally come out and to feel better. The warlock made his way over to the railing and he was looking into the dark nightsky. A deep sigh was escaping his lips. Was he really that wrong with Alec? Was he really like all the other shadowhunters he met before? For a moment he thought he was different… but apparently he was wrong and now he felt heartbroken again.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In the meantime Alec was joining the whole group from shadowhunters which were waiting in the mainroom for the explanation why they are here for this meeting. „What’s going on?“ He asked Izzy as he finally found her and he was standing behind her. „I don’t know. Someone said from a big announcement and a changing.“ His sister whispered what let him only cross his arms before hi schest. Right now… the dark haired shadowhunter wasn’t in the mood for such announcments. He needed to find his parabatai and he needed all the time which was possible. So he was hoping that this was going to be quick.

And as Alec was finishing his thought he could see the woman he almost had married, Lydia. Something inside of him was telling him that he needed to give her an apology for everything. But now wasn’t the right time for this. „I don’t have time for this…“ Alec whispered more to himself and he wanted to walk away and start searching for Jace again. Until he could hear the words from Lydia who was announcing a new head of the institute. Which weren’t his parents and somehow this let look up at the stairs again to look at that man who was the new one… Aldertree. 

And somehow he knew that this was another punishment and he knew again that he would never be head oft he institute. More thoughts which were going on top of his depressions. Things he tried to hide. Actually he doesn’t want that anyone would figure out how he was really feeling… that he couldn’t handle so much what his parents put on his shoulders.

But in that moment as Aldertree was telling everyone that the institute was on lock down and that no one was allowed to leave until he found out what was going on here. Especially with everything around Valentine and the happenings from the last days. That was for Alec the moment as he left the crowd. He needed to be alone. But he couldn’t do nothing in this time. He needed to come out of this place. 

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The first person who was going to make his statement was Magnus. And actually he was glad that the time was over because all the questions from Aldertree was only shown for the warlock was that there were still shadowhunters who were showing where he stands and that no one was believing him. But right now… he doesn’t care. He only wanted to go home. And also the warlock doesn’t care about the fact that he wasn’t allowed in this institute anymore. But while he made his way over to the door, he wasn’t even looking around the room anymore. Normally he would check on Alec. But not this time. He was hurting him way too much and his heart felt broken. The warlock wanted to go back home as quick as possible. 

But he was stopped from a hand which was grabbing his arm. It was Alec who saw the warlock leaving. But he knew since a while already that he made a mistake. That he put his anger out on him even if it wasn’t his fault. He was hoping to talk with Magnus again. But seeing how he was leaving without saying something again let him show that there was something going on. That this was really too much. And exactly because of that reason he followed the warlock and asked after he grabbed his arm to stop him: „Hey… where are you going?“

Magnus wanted to slap Alec because of this question. He wanted to let out his anger. But he had many centuries of his life to hide his feelings and to pull himself together. Besides… it probably wouldn’t be such a good idea to do this at the institute in front of so many shadowhunters. That’s why he put a smile on his lips but his behavior was reserved as he said: „Where else would I be going? My interview is over and I’m exhausted. Besides… at my house… there is steak and vodka!“ And with these words he turned around and wanted to leave. Because for Magnus the conversation was over.

„Wait… you’re not gonna help?“ Alec asked and was now confused. He needed the help from Magnus. Without him he probably really couldn’t find Jace. Somehow he was taken aback from this and also his thought of making a mistake was washed away.

The warlock couldn’t believe it that Alec was asking this question to him. In the past he let allow many things to him what the shadowhunters were doing or saying. But nothing of them were so personal like from Alec. He was willing to help with a lot of things in the last couple days. Even without payment. But this was over for him now. And Magnus hadn’t thought that Alec wouldn’t realize all of this. „You really don’t get it, do you? You didn’t risk anything for me… You did it for you!“

„What?“ Alec asked and his anger was out of control again. For a second he hadn’t known what Magnus was meaning. But then there was this thought that he was going back to the conversation on the roof. „You really doing this right now? Right now?“ He asked and was almost screaming. On the inside he was thinking if Magnus wasn’t thinking about something else then this… something else then the person who got kidnapped from Valentine.

„Listen… I want to find Jace like you do, Alexander… But this is no excuse to treat me like this!“ Magnus was saying out loud and he was clear with everything right now. And at the moment he doesn’t care that probably someone else would listen to their conversation. Even he was allowed to be hurt. And he was so done that the person he was starting to fall in love with was treating him like shit… he had things like this in his past more then enough and he wasn’t ready to go through this again.

„What do you want from me?“ The shadowhunter asked and his voice was loud and he was almost screaming and Magnus was only looking at him and he showed in his face what he was thinking right now about Alec… that this wasn’t the person he fell in love with… lost parabatai or not. „At the moment… nothing…“ Was his answer and his voice was a whisper again. The only thing what probably could fix everything would be an apology from Alec… but he wasn’t looking like it that he was going to do it. Because he was a downworlder?

But before they could continue their thoughts or their conversation the alarm was starting. „I think… you are needed right now.“ Magnus said and noticed how a headache was going to start. He really needed a strong drink right now. „Goodbye, Alexander.“ He add to Alec before he turned around and continued his way to leave the institute. Even if he could hear the voice from Alec who was calling his name again.


	9. You're new for me too!

Chapter 9: You’re new for me too!

Alec didn’t care about that emergency. He wasn’t allowed to leave this institute anyway. That was the reason why he was avoiding everyone and he made his way in his room from the institute where he was sliding down the wooden door and he sat down on the ground. Then he put his head in his hands while he tried to stay calm. While he tried not to think about Jace and just think straight. The dark haired shadowhunter doesn’t want to lose this what was going to start between him and the warlock. Magnus was important for him. He knew that he hasn’t made his coming out for the other male… he did it for him… because he wanted to show who he really was. And because that flirting from him did something to him. Maybe he was going to fall in love with him… no not maybe… he fell already for him.

That’s why he was realizing something. „How could I be so damn stupid? Alec, what is wrong with you? Did you really push someone away who showed you for the first time that you are important?“ That he was asking himself and he got up immediately. The young man with the dark hair knew that he needs to leave the institute somehow. Doesn’t matter if they were on lockdown right now. He knew that Magnus probably wouldn’t answer his calls. And he wanted to talk to him in person.

After Alec was running with his hand over his face, he was grabbing his leather jacket, which one was laying on his bed and he left his room again. Only to search a way to ignore the lock down and leave the institute. Also without that anyone noticed it. But even if… he wouldn’t care right now if Aldertree would put him down or give him a speech. There was something what was more important now and that needed to be done.

And with the hands in the pockets from his leather jacket he made his way to the loft from Magnus. Already so many scenarios in his head what was going to happen there. From Magnus doesn’t even let him in anymore to a big fight between them what let probably happen that the shadowhunters will have the whole downworld against them. He wasn’t even thinking what was going to happen or what he would say when the warlock really wants to give him the time to explain him. 

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As Magnus came home he really conjured steak and vodka for him even if he wasn’t really hungry. He felt more empty because of the whole treatment. From Aldertree he had expected it. But not from the oldest Lightwood son which one showed at the beginning that he was different. He wanted to explain it because he lost his parabatai but on the other side… he wasn’t doing it. He was more telling himself how wrong he was.

That was the reason why he changed his cloth in a sweatpants and a vest after he had a few glasses from the vodka. Then he made his way on his balcony for some of his usually magic training. Not because it was necessary… more because he needed to focus on something else and his mind needed to calm down. Otherwise he probably would go crazy or drink more as he actually wanted. Even if this wouldn’t be his first time that he was getting really drunk. Since decades he wasn’t really sober. But mostly only because he wanted to forget some things about his past. Or not think about them. Magnus knew that this wasn’t the best way to deal with it but it was working.

He had no idea for how long he was standing on the balcony and he lost counting the time while he was focused on the magic ball he was moving in the air. But he could hear how someone came into his loft. And that his magic shields didn’t warn him he knew that this person wasn’t one of his enemies. The warlock also wasn’t expecting anyone else right now. So he knew that this could be only one person. That was also the reason why he didn’t move away from his balcony.

Alec was nervous as he came to the loft from the warlock and his heart was beating fast while he was swallowing a few times. Normally he wasn’t that scared in any situation. But he knew that he was wrong before and maybe that he was scared that Magnus wouldn’t want to see him anymore. What he probably could understand. The young shadowhunter wasn’t sure if he should knock but then he noticed that the door was open and he stepped inside of the loft. Only to notice that the person he was looking for was on the balcony.

Slowly he was making his way to the warlock and something was telling him that he already knew that the shadowhunter was there. It wasn’t easy to not starring at the perfect body which one was full of muscles and also sweat from his long training. But he tried to focus only on his face while he was crossing his hands behind his back. „Magnus?“ He started slowly and was watching for a reaction from the warlock.

But Alec noticed that Magnus was still continue with his training and how he was moving the ball with his magic. It made him somehow a bit uncomfortable but he continued anyway: „Listen… I’m… I’m not good with apologies but…“ He stopped for a moment and took a deep breath. „I’m sorry…“

Of course Magnus was listening. He wasn’t just looking at Alec because he doesn’t want to see his face at the moment. Still too much was going on in his mind. But he wanted to give him the chance to say what he had to say. „Continue…“ He said with serious manner and without looking at Alec.

„I’m really sorry.“ Alec continued and was looking for the right words again. It was hard for him but also he was showing that this was important… that the warlock was important for him. „For?“ The young shadowhunter was hearing from this person and he was scratching his forehead for a moment. Why was Magnus making it so hard for him? But on the other hand… if he hadn’t treated him that way like he did before, they wouldn’t be at this point right now. But the warlock was making him nervous while he was continue with his magic training and he also gave him the feeling not taking this as serious as he was doing. That was the reason why he said a bit more serious: „Look… can you stop this for a minute? It’s really important for me!“

Magnus was thinking about this for a second. But then he was deciding to give the young shadowhunter the chance that he was really listening to him. Even if he still felt insecure about it. But after a few more movements with the magic ball he just threw him inside the loft and didn’t notice that he had almost hit the young male who was waiting for him. But he could avoid it while he moved a bit away from this. But this was only possible because of his training and because he was a shadowhunter. 

Then he came finally closer to Magnus and he put all of his confidence back in his voice while he said: „You were right! That I called off my wedding because of me. But… just understand… all this… it’s very new!“

Magnus was taking his vest and put it on his sweaty body, what let Alec breath a bit again. Even if he could still see the biceps from the warlock. And for a second he was wishing to touch him. Until he could hear the serious voice from the other male: „This may surprise you, Alexander! But you’re new for me too!“ Because he actually had no one ever said that, even if he was with so many people in his life before, he was never with a shadowhunter. But that had also some reasons which belonged in his past.

Alec swallowed for a moment. Actually he hasn’t expected an answer from him like this at the moment. Maybe that was the reason why he was so surprised and his words were gone for a second. He knew that Magnus was angry with him. But he doesn’t want that all this should stop what was going to start between them. Even if he was already scared and he had still the words from Camille in his mind. „Look… with Jace missing… I just… fell and think that my ground is shifting…“

The warlock doesn’t want to listen about this reason again and he was actually done with the conversation. And he showed it as he made his way back inside his loft. But right in that moment, Alec was grabbing his arm to stop him, what was really surprising him. And for a second there was a silence between them because no one was saying a word. Until their eyes met and Magnus noticed how beautiful these from the younger male were what let his feelings did come back even if he tried to be pissed off of him for longer. 

„I didn’t want to take this out on you.“ Alec said then and his voice was more quiet and he was showing that he really meant it. Magnus must swallow for a moment before he said at the end: „You’re forgiving. Also… you’re great at apologies.“ And for the first time in their conversation he was smiling to Alec again. What let him smile back even if it was only a little smile, which grew a bit bigger in that moment as Magnus was fixing the collar from his leather jacket. His cheeks were turning into a bit shade of red because he realized that he didn’t paid a lot of attention about it as he left the institute in hurry. He wasn’t smiling like that since a while.

Then the young man with the dark hair made his way over to the railing from the balcony and he was looking out in the dark night sky. „Thanks… I’m working on it.“ He said while his voice was almost a whisper and he noticed how Magnus was coming closer to him again and he was putting a hand on his own which was laying on the stone from the railing. And this feeling was like a lightning what was going through his body. „Everything is going to be a challenge. But, Alexander… if things get crazy… don’t push me away!“ Magnus told Alec and his voice was serious again because he also wanted that Alec should understand this. What he does and he showed it while he gave the warlock a nod.

For a moment it was quiet between both of them. Because both were thinking what they should do or say now. And for Alec it was good to finally be here with the warlock even if he was still thinking about his parabatai. But he wasn’t saying anything because he doesn’t want to destroy this what he just saved. And he had no idea how the mood from Magnus was. That was the reason why he was already thinking about another solution. 

Until he could hear the words from the warlock who was asking: „Okay… tell me… what’s your plan, Alexander? How can I help you to find your parabatai?“ Those words let happen that Alec was turning his head into the direction from Magnus and their eyes were meeting each other. The young shadowhunter noticed the worry in the eyes from the warlock. But he took a deep breath before he said: „I want to track Jace again. And I need only your magic to prevent all the pain I felt the last time… I need you… you and your magic.“

Magnus was thinking about this plan. It wasn’t anything what he couldn’t do. But he was worried anyway. Worried that something could go wrong. For the first time he was really concerned about someone in this way. But on the other hand… he wanted to help. That was the reason why he was nodding slowly but he said: „I can try my best, Alexander. But you have to promise me that you stop immediately if I say it or if you can’t do it much longer!“

Alec knew himself… he would go further even if he couldn’t hold it for much long and even if he was in pain a lot. But he promised this to the warlock and together they were making his way back inside the loft and on the way the younger male was starting to take his jacket and shirt off. Only to reveal his runes and his muscles. Normally he would be more shy and insecure because of his body and everything but right now he was more thinking about something else.

And this time it was Magnus who must do his best not to stare at the body from the archer, which one looked more then perfect in his eyes. And maybe he was also facinated from all the runes on his body even if he saw already a lot of shadowhunters and their runes before. But he wasn’t thinking about this now and focused now more on his job. And he was waiting until Alec was laying down on his couch and he had pulled out his stele. 

Then in that moment as both males were making a short eye contact with each other, Magnus let come his magic out of his hands and he was putting Alec in something what was looking like a transparent bubble. And this one would save the other male from any pain. And he was watching how the young shadowhunter was putting the stele on his rune which one was on his hip.

But just seconds later he noticed that something has changed in the young shadowhunter. Was it because of his magic? Or did something else happened? „Can you find him, Alexander?“ He was asking. But in that moment, the male with the dark hair was jumping up from the couch and he said: „I don’t need to… I can feel him again… Oh my god… Jace… I have to go!“

And with those words… Alec was grabbing his cloth before he was leaving out of the door without even looking at the warlock one more second again. Magnus could understand that. But how he was watching the back from the young male… he started to have a bad feeling in his stomach which one he tried to push back. And the warlock was hoping that this feeling would never come true.


	10. A Kiss Of True Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello my reader from this story. I hope you are still enjoying this story.
> 
> I'm sorry that this chapter needed so long to finally come. I was busy reading Queen of air and darkness. But now... it's finally here!!! And I wish you all a merry christmas and a great time with your beloved ones!
> 
> I hope you enjoy this chapter!

Magnus should’ve known already in that moment as Alec was leaving the loft that something bad would happen. And this feeling was becoming true in that moment as his phone was ringing a couple hours later. The warlock was hesitating before he answered the call and there was Isabelle Lightwood on the other line who was speaking very fast because of all her emotions. Magnus needed to calm her down a bit before he understood what was going on. Alec was using a parabatai stone and he wasn’t waking up anymore.

That was even for the warlock a shock because he knew that the dark haired shadowhunter was in a position where he would do everything to find Jace. But not something like that what let his mind drift far far away and what probably also would let happen that he wouldn’t wake up anymore and be in that state forever. Magnus couldn’t let it happen that Alec was like that forever. He told Izzy that he would help and he made his way to the institute immediately. Even if he doesn’t had any idea what he could do.

His feelings, as he saw Alec laying in the bed, he tried to push back. This maybe was something personal for him but he wanted to do everything right and he wouldn’t let that happen that the young shadowhunter was leaving him before it even has started something with them. And right now the warlock doesn’t care that he wasn’t welcomed at the institute. But Izzy wanted to do something that Aldertree and the rest from the shadowhunters would notice it that he was there. And Magnus appreciated the help from the young woman.

And he was trying everything what he could while he was forgetting the time. Minutes became to hours. And hours to days. Days where the warlock hasn’t slept. Because he doesn’t had much time. Not only because the time was running away from them because of Alec and how quickly he was drifting away from them… but also because the parents from Alec wanted to take him back to Idris. Because there were doctors who could help him. But Magnus was doubting it. The only thing what let happen that the dark haired shadowhunter wasn’t gone or dead yet, was because of his magic.

„They can’t take him to Idris… this will kill him…“ Izzy said and Magnus could see tears in her eyes while he was dripping some of a poition in the mouth from Alec. He wasn’t saying something about this at first but then he came closer tot he young woman and he said in a serious manner: „I won’t let it happen. I will bring him to my place. But… I could need some help.“

Isabelle was looking from the unconcious Alec over to Magnus and back to her brother. Then she nodded before she said: „I make sure that no one will notice something… Especially not Aldertree!“ And the young woman was out of breath as she left the room. Magnus knew that she was counting on him and also knew that he wasn’t sure if he could hold his promise or her expertations because he knew that he already did everything in his power what was possible. 

Then he was using magic and he let Alec disappear out of the room and brought him to his place. Before he was sneaking out of the institute as well. But actually… Magnus wasn’t really caring if someone or Aldertree was catching him. He was too annoyed from all the shadowhunters right now who thought that it was right to do this to him. But on the other side… Alec needed him and he doesn’t want to waste time with an unnecessary discussion. And he created a portal to his loft as soon as he has left the institute and he stepped through it.

Only to found the dark haired archer on his couch. And that he wasn’t moving let his heart break again. And this time he doesn’t need to be strong. He showed it that he was close to a breakdown. „Alexander, please wake up…“ He whispered and was pushing the tears away while he was walking closer to the body and the warlock went down on his knees beside him. „Please come back! I did already everything what was possible to wake you up.“ Magnus started while he took the hand from the young shadowhunter and he doesn’t look away from the face from him. And he realized again how beautiful he actually was and there was another thought. What if…?

And in the same second as the warlock was thinking this already he was leaning forward and put his lips on the one from the sleeping shadowhunter. But it wasn’t working and Magnus got up before he ran with both of his hands through his styled hair. „Of course not. Please, Alexander… if you hear me… come back!“ Magnus said again and he was only hoping that anything else would come in his mind. Losing this young man in his loft wasn’t an option for him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

What Magnus doesn’t know… Alec noticed everything what was happening. He was kinda stuck in his head and dreaming from the time as he met Jace and how they became Parabatai. But the young shadowhunter could go further… go to another place. There was something what was stopping him all the time. 

Blue magic… a voice which gave him a warm feeling and what let him stop. 

And while he was in his mind he was letting allow his dark thoughts spread through his mind. No one would miss him… he wasn’t that important that people would fight for him. Everyone who was around would be a lot happier if he wasn’t around anymore because they had their wonder boy around them who was better in everything… Jace. Maybe Alec was also jealous because of this. But he was still loving him as a brother and best friend. 

All these thoughts was pushing him more and more forward to just go somewhere where he couldn’t come back. But the feeling from magic which one felt so familiar and also a warm feeling which was going through his body let happen that he was always stopping and that he had a fight with himself inside of him.

Alec let his fingers lead to his lips as if he could feel the kiss even if there wasn’t anything where he was right now. Then… the young shadowhunter could hear something from behind and he turned around. Only to see the younger face and body from his sister. „One day somebody‘s gonna love your heart and soul, Alec.“ She said with a little smile on her lips.

Izzy… the person who was looking through him even as he was still a teenager. And who knew from his secret but kept it always to herself. And now… maybe she was right… maybe there was someone… Magnus. And while Alec was thinking that his heart was starting to beat faster a bit.

But before he could think about it more… there was something else what he could hear. Another voice… „Entreat me not to love thee, or return from following after thee…“

It was the voice from Jace. But not in his dream. It came from somewhere else and that let happen that some pictures were running through his mind. Not only with his Parabatai. But also with his sister and… Magnus. And someone was pushing him to go back… that it was time to wake up and even if it was hard he was fighting against the feeling which was pulling him deeper to somewhere. He started to fight and made his way in another direction… to wake up…

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

But in that moment as Alec opened his eyes there was another picture what was happening right now. Not his family and friends who were waiting for him… he could more see how some shadowhunters were taking a blond young man with him who was covered in dirt, blood and sweat. „What… is going on?“ He asked immediately even if he was still weak. But this voice let happen that the young shadowhunter had the fully attention from everyone… also from Magnus who was looking surprised but there was something in his eyes what let show Alec that the tensed feeling was leaving inside of him.

„We are taking your parabatai to the city of bones!“ said a voice. Which was from Aldertree and he was looking from Alec to everyone else who was around. And he nodded as he noticed that no one did something before he was also leaving together with his shadowhunters.

The archer was in shock. What could’ve happened that they would take Jace with him. Was it because of Valentine? His heart was racing and he tried to get up because he needed answers. But his legs weren’t that strong right now to hold him and he was close to fall on the ground.

But there was a warlock who was fast enough to hold the young shadowhunter before he was meeting the ground. And he sat him back on the couch. „Alexander, you are still too weak and you need to rest. Your body needs to recover from all this what you went through.“ Magnus said friendly and he had his hand on the chest from the young male to show that he really shouldn’t get up now. And he could feel the fast heartbeat from him what was somehow beating in the same speed like his own. Their eyes were meeting each other and the warlock couldn’t only see the confusion and the will to fight against everything. He could also see something else. Was it love?

„I… I have to go… Jace need me…“ Alec said slowly and his voice was only a whisper. But then he was coughing because there was a scratch in his throat. And even if Magnus doesn’t have a lot of strength anymore he conjured still a glass of water for the young male. „I know. But please think about yourself at first.“ He said while he was watching how Alec was drinking a bit from the water.

Izzy was saying immediately that he would go back to the institute. Together with Clary and they both will get all the informations they needed. Also because both females wanted to leave them both alone for a while.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

„I… I felt that you were there, Magnus. I felt your magic… you tried to stop this… to bring me back…“ Alec said slowly after a moment and while he was still looking into the glass of water. He wasn’t sure why but this warlock was starting to be important for him. Was this why he was falling in love with him? Why there were already feelings? Right now there were too many thoughts in his head. Thoughts he needed to sort as soon as there were time again. „Thank you!“ The archer said at the end and he was looking up.

Magnus has made his way over to a little table and poured himself a drink in a martini glass before he was looking over his shoulder tot he shadowhunter. And their eyes were meeting each other. „No need to thank me, Alexander. I couldn’t let allow it that you are dying. But if you allow me that question… why did you do that? This was stupid… this could end…“

Alec raised his hand to stop the warlock from talking. He knew that his parents will give him some words because of this. „I know that now… But… Magnus, I needed to find Jace and i was hoping…“ Then he stopped and shook with his head. No… the warlock was right… this was totally stupid what he did and he knew this now. „You are right. I’m sorry. I didn’t want that you were worried.“ He whispered while he was looking back in the glass. And he really meant it. Causing trouble to the people which meant the most for him wasn’t his intention.

Then the young man with the dark hair noticed that he was still sweating and his cloth were wet from it. „I think… I could need a shower.“ He said and was looking over to Magnus who was smiling a bit and came to him to help him up and together they were making their way into the bathroom. And Alec must admit that he wasn’t so close tot he warlock since his wedding anymore and that let his heart race again. Especially as he could smell the scent from him.

„Do you need some fresh cloth?“ Magnus asked and wanted to conjure some already as he could feel how strong arms were starting to hug him. He must blink because of it for a moment because he wasn’t expecting that since Alec wasn’t the type of person who was giving hugs so easily. But it put a smile on his face and he leaned a bit against him. „Only if this isn’t any trouble for you, Magnus.“ He whispered in the ear from the warlock. And the older man noticed that Alec was the first person he met after a long while who was really caring about him. But he chuckled a bit and whispered: „Not at all.“

And after a snip with his fingers fresh cloth were laying on a small table next to the shower. Then he showed the young shadowhunter where he could find everything before he left the room again to leave the other male alone. And he was smiling a bit. His feelings in his stomach were back again even if he wasn’t sure if Alec wanted to try something. But Magnus doesn’t want to push him.

But then the warlock noticed that he wasn’t that strong as he thought and he needed to sit down in one of his armchairs while he was listening to the sounds which were coming out of the bathroom. He knew now that he was spending too much from his magic saving Alec and there wasn’t much left anymore. But with a little break and his usually cure, vodka and steak, his magic will be back soon. Just right now he tried to not let it show that he was weak and vulnerable.

Magnus hasn’t thought about Alec would was starting to see through his mask and noticing more as the warlock wanted to show. „Are you sure you are okay?“ He asked again after a moment as he finished his shower and one of his eyebrows were raising a bit. And the warlock must admit that he was even more handsome since he saw him the first time. Magnus chuckled a bit and said: „I need a bit rest. That’s all. Rest which would be good for you as well, Alexander.“

Alec doesn’t believe the other male in the armchair at the moment and that let his look also shown that he thought it. But also the archer doesn’t want to push Magnus for the truth. Not just now. „I will. But I feel better now. I think I should go back to the institute to check on everything what was going on.“ He said and was thinking for a moment if he should ask that question. „Will we… see each other again?“ The question was slowly and almost a whisper. But Magnus could hear it and it put a smile on his lips. 

„If you want to… I’m sure we will.“ He told the other male and noticed how a smile was appearing on his lips. One which was showing that he was really happy and very rare on him. And this made the warlock happy as well. Then Magnus was watching how his shadowhunter was leaving his loft and he got up from his seat to make his way out of his balcony. Together with his drink. And he was looking out in the dark sky oft he night. 

„Of course we will see each other again, my handsome shadowhunter.“


	11. Deflect Rune

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hello!  
> I wish you all a happy new year and I hope that all your wishes and hopes for this year will become true!
> 
> I wanted to finish and post this chapter last year but it never happened. But... here it is now and I wish all of you a lot of fun reading it!

A few days passed by in which one Jace has to stay in the city of bones for a lot of questions and in which one Alec wasn’t allowed to go to his parabatai. Instead Aldertree has other plans for him which should keep him busy and what was totally pissing him off. But he wasn’t saying anything more letting his steam off in the training area against a boxing sack.

Until he noticed eyes on him what let happen that he turned around. Only to look into the eyes from Magnus and what let his heart beat faster in the exact same moment. „M…Magnus… what…?“ He started to asked and was taking his shirt. „Do you like to stalk me?“ The shadowhunter add and it was more a joke what didn’t sound like that.

But the warlock must chuckle because of it. He knew he was still not very welcomed at the institute and Aldertree would let arrange that he would thrown out again. But he wanted to check on his shadowhunter to see if he was alright because he noticed that Alec was more short on the phone what could also be because oft he missions he got send. But what he doesn’t know was… that the dark haired shadowhunter was still fighting with his own feelings to figure out what they meant for him and which way they were leading him. 

„Of course I’m not stalking you, Alexander. I had some business to do here and my eyes lead me here. And it always a pleasure to see you like that. But… do me a favor and don’t go too hard with yourself.“ Magnus said while he was coming closer and he wasn’t happy that Alec was taking his shirt on. But his attention was getting to somewhere else… the deflect rune on the neck from Alec. And the warlock must admit that he was never so attached to the runes from the shadowhunters like the ones from the young male.

Alec noticed that Magnus was more or less only starring but he couldn’t tell what exactly. That’s why he raised an eyebrow and asked slowly: „Hey, are you… okay? What are you thinking?“ And this brought the warlock back out of his thoughts. Only to shake with his head for a second before he said with still his usually smile on his lips: „Oh. There is actually nothing.“ But the warlock noticed real quick on the look from the shadowhunter that he noticed that he was lying. And for a moment he was thinking if he should say it out loud or if this would scare Alec off.

But then the warlock was putting it all on the table and he said: „I was just thinking to kiss your rune on your neck.“ They must go a step forward. But Magnus also doesn’t want to push Alec and he wanted to give him time.

Alec was blinking and he was leading one hand to his neck to his deflect rune. No one ever touched him there and he didn’t know that someone would be attached to that. His heart makes a little jump. Somehow there was that wish inside of him feeling the soft lips on his neck. That’s why he said: „Okay… I mean… why not… I mean… but not here….“ God… Alec was starting to hate it that he was always stuttering when he was nervous and awkward in front of Magnus. Sometimes he thought he would make a totally fool out of himself. But then he was taking the hand from Magnus before he add: „But not here.“

Alec still felt not comfortable with it if everyone would watch them when they were kissing or when they have such an intimite moment. At the wedding it was something different. For now he needed to figure out what his feelings were meaning. But Alec was ready to go a step further. That’s why he was leading Magnus into his bedroom and he closed the door behind them.

The warlock was accepting the wish from the shadowhunter and he followed him in his room while he felt the warm hand into his own. A smile was still on his lips. Even if it was going slow between them he was still feeling happy because of how much Alec was starting to trust him. He actually wasn’t looking around much in the room. All what he cared was for the shadowhunter right now and he was searching for eye contact with him which should let him show if Alec was ready. And he doesn’t saw fear in them… just that he was curious.

And that let Magnus smile a bit more and he approached the tall young man and he put his hands on the hips from him before he leaned forward to place his soft lips on the neck from him. Only to kiss him there and also going over to the deflect rune. But he doesn’t let the kiss take for just a few seconds. Maybe he was kissing him there a bit longer. And that let something happen in Alec what was feeling like an explosion in his whole body and the lips on the place where his deflect rune was were feeling even more… intense. Which let also his knees get wobbly.

And maybe the whole feeling was very overwhelming for the shadowhunter. What let happen that he was taking a step away from Magnus. His heart was racing and his breathing was going a bit faster while he was looking at the warlock who was quiet confused because he thought that he did something wrong. „I’m sorry, Alexander. I didn’t want to give you an uncomfortable feeling.“ The other male said.

Alec opened his mouth and closed it again. He wasn’t able to find the right words right now. But since he pushed Magnus away this feeling was missing and something inside of him wanted to feel it again. And for a second he was biting his lower lip before he whispered: „No… no you didn’t, Magnus. Actually it felt… amazing…“ He made a step forward again only to take the hand from the warlock before he add: „Can you… do this again?“

At the moment the warlock was a bit confused but then he was smiling and he could see in the eyes from Alec that he was liking it. „If you want to then… yes I would like to.“ Magnus said with a smile and he was squeezing his hand while he let it happen that the taller male was leading him tot he bed where he sat down and and the warlock sat down on the lap from Alec.

That was a different feeling for Alec and he needed to get used to it. But even if they hasn’t decided yet what they were going to do now… this feeling felt different but good because he was trusting this man. And he also brought feelings out he couldn’t explain yet. 

But before more thoughts could come in his mind he could feel the soft lips from Magnus on his neck and on his deflect rune again. And Alec was closing his eyes while he could feel how this ticklish and new feeling was going through his whole body now and he was more then only liking it. The young shadowhunter started to bite his lower lip especially in that moment as he could also feel some teeth on his skin. But even this couldn’t stop it that some sounds were escaping his mouth which sounded liks whines but also small moanings. Until there was another feeling which was more then different. And this feeling was more between his legs and that let it happen that he opened his eyes again.

Magnus was going too far and he was enjoying this moment too much. And of course he could feel something again what happened in the pants from the young male. But he was too deep into this also because he could hear the sounds from Alec that he doesn’t notice how uncomfortable the young shadowhunter felt at the moment. Only as he pushing him down from him and on the bed and he was watching how the other male was disappearing in the bathroom. And right now the warlock was having this feeling that he went too far and he was stroking with his thumb over his lips. Maybe he was just going to deep into the situation because he noticed how much Alec was liking this. But on the other side… the warlock knew how inexperienced the young shadowhunter was.

And while Magnus got up slowly up from the bed Alec was trying to calm himself down again. To regain his breath and to think normal again. No one gave him those feeling. But on the other side was no one ever kissing his deflect rune. He had no idea how sensitive he was at this spot and Magnus found it. And the dark haired shadowhunter had no idea about this or if he would ever feel that again. Right now he was totally overwhelmed but more and more there was this wish to be part of the warlocks life.

„By the angels… what are you thinking right now…?“ Alec asked himself and he was pacing around in the bathroom. Even if he knew that there was only Magnus who gave him the feeling of being special. Maybe there was this one chance? And as he had this thought he put some cold water in his face before he looked into the mirror. Only to notice something on his neck which were looking like a… hickey.

„Magnus!“ The young shadowhunter called out before he was leaving the bathroom and was looking into a totally confused face from the other male. „What by the archangel ist hat?“ He add and was pointing to his neck where the hickey was. „I can never leave the room again!“

For a moment Magnus thought there was a more serious issue but then he was looking at the hickey and he chuckled a bit. „Oh my dear… no worry about that. I can make it disappear if you like.“ He said with a smile and was glad that Alec was either mad or he was wishing not to see him again. And with a bit magic he let the hickey disappear again. Maybe he was a bit too much into this situation. „I apologize if I made you uncomfortable with everything, Alexander.“ Magnus add and he really meant it but he could see very quickly that Alec was shaking with his head.

„No… Actually… I don’t know…“ the archer said and had still no idea how to put his feelings in words and he was hating it. But before he could say more he could hear how someone was calling his name and he knew that he was needed again.

„It’s okay, Alexander. Duty is calling.“ Magnus said and was brushing with his nail polished fingers over the back of the hand from the younger male. „You will have enough time for all of this. Don’t stress yourself.“ He add with a smile and showed that he would never rush Alec into something in what he doesn’t felt comfortable.

Alec was only nodding before he turned around and wanted to open the door. But he hesitated for a second because there was another thought in his head. He knew that there was a drink open which he has somehow promised the other male. „Do you want to go out for a drink tonight?“ He asked while he turned around and he was almost stuttering because he was talking to fast because he was nervous.

But Magnus was smiling because he hasn’t expected this question but he was nodding before he replied to this question: „I would love to, Alexander.“ Also the warlock was thinking that their drink was overdue but he wanted to give him time. Especially after everything what happened with Camille. And this question was also shown that he wasn’t going too far. Maybe there was just this overwhelmed feeling from Alec. 

And the warlock was watching how Alec was leaving the room before he was waiting a bit longer and also left the room. Only to sneak out oft he institute to make his way to his loft. And for the first time in his life there was a really happy smile on his lips.


	12. Date Night

Magnus must admit that he hasn’t expected that Alec would ask him for a drink. But he knew that this drink was totally overdue because he wanted to go for that drink with him already a vew weeks before. But too much was going on and he understood that this wasn’t even possible. But he was surprised that the archer was suggesting it. Was he thinking about a date? A smile was appearing on his lips. „Oh my dear shadowhunter. Who had thought that this was going to happen.“ The warlock was saying to himself and was going to make himself ready for this drink while a few of his cats were watching him out of curious eyes. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In the mind from Alec were exact the same thoughts. He was still busy with this mission together with Izzy. It was weird for a moment to not go on a mission with Jace but he was out of order for a while because Aldertree doesn’t want that Jace is leaving the institute. Still because of the Valentine thing. But his sister noticed already that there was something going on and she was asking him in that moment as they were going back to the institute. Only because the older Lightwood couldn’t hide that something was going on in his mind. And in that moment he was letting out everything and his fear of not being good enough for Magnus. It was always his thought and this was also always what happened with some people.

„Hey… don’t overthink the things, Alec. He wouldn’t be here anymore if he wouldn’t really like you am I right? Go to this date and enjoy it.“ The younger woman said and was patting the shoulder from Alec. And there was this word… date. Alec never had one in his life before… but he also had never such strong feelings for someone before. But he also knew that he was making the things more complicated as they actually were. The only thing what he knew for sure… Alec Lightwood wanted to be with Magnus Bane and he doesn’t care that he was downworlder!

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And a few hours later he was on the way tot he hunters moon. The bar he wanted to meet with Magnus. He had a shower and was then thinking about what he should dress. But at the end… it happened that he was wearing his usually cloth: Black shirt, black pants and his leather jacket. It was his first night he had off he was really taking off and not going out for a hunt anyway to keep himself busy and to prevent himself from too much thinking.

But as he was arriving at the bar and he could see the warlock already waiting for him his heart was making a little jump followed with the ticklish feeling in his stomach. Magnus was looking stunning like always and now he felt… normal in his own cloth. But it was too late now to break it up and go back to the institute. Also because the other male already noticed him and was expecting him with one of his smiles which one made him always weak.

„Hey. I’m sorry for letting you wait. Am I late?“ Alec asked as he was close to the warlock and he was looking into the eyes from him. But he was only shaking with his head immediately before he said: „Oh no not at all, Alexander. You are here just in time. Shall we go in?“ And the young shadowhunter was giving him a nod to show that he wanted to spend time with him. Even if he was a bit nervous because of everything. But he tried not to show it.

What Alec doesn’t know was that Magnus was as nervous as the young shadowhunter was because he wanted that this should be perfect in so many ways for the both oft hem. And he was hoping that the younger male would going to decide if he was ready for more even if he still wasn’t pushing him. Because the warlock was waiting since decades for someone new in his life. Even if he had closed his heart and was building a wall around it to not allow any feelings anymore. But Alec was different and for him he was allowing new feelings.

„What do you want to drink?“ Magnus asked Alec as they came to the bar and the young male was only shrugging with his shoulders. But the warlock knew how he was reacting on some sorts of alcohol. Mostly he made. And he doesn’t want that the young male was going to get drunk on their first date. That’s why he was ordering a beer for the dark haired shadowhunter and a martini for himself.

And in that moment they had their drinks it happened exactly that what Alec was afraid of. Silence and no topic to talk about. Because something was telling him that starting a conversation with his work at the institute and hunting demons wasn’t the right topic. And something in him wanted to disappear in that moment. 

But… there was this warlock, who was also afraid of this silence, but he had kinda a plan B how to change it. That’s why he was suggesting to play pool. Alec had never played it before but he doesn’t want to admit it even if this was shown as he made his first shot. The first thing he wasn’t actually good at and playing pool wasn’t like shooting arrows. 

For a moment Alec thought he was making a totally fool out of himself but Magnus wasn’t treating him like that. He was also teaching him to play pool and in that time the both males had really fun and they weren’t thinking about the time or that they hadn’t a topic to talk about before. And they both were drinking a few more glasses while also Alec was changing his beer to some martinis, which weren’t as good as the one from Magnus how the warlock was telling him that. And on the inside he wanted to have one of them again. Maybe he would taste the difference.

This time changed as soon as the both males were stopping playing pool because it wasn’t interesting anymore and they were both walking over to the bar. And without that it was wanted from the both males… it happened that they were starting to talk about the former dates from Alec. Just because they were also talking about Jace. And the younger male was surprised that Magnus was thinking that he had already a few girls before he wanted to marry Lydia. And now the younger male was getting a bit nervous what he was overplaying it while he was just shrugging with his shoulders.

„Wait… Lydia… is she your only ex?“ The warlock wasn’t sure why but he had already a weird feeling. He doesn’t want to talk about this topic especially this should be only between them but now… this was out of the open and Magnus was scared for a moment that Alec would want to leave here. 

But this doesn’t happen. Even if Alec doesn’t felt much comfortable right now, he was still deciding to answer that question from Magnus. Even if a very weird feeling was coming up in his stomach. „I just… haven’t had much time… for… uhm… a relationship.“ He was starting and was speaking quickly to let this out. And before there was a chance for another answer from Magnus, Alec was drinking something from the new Martini the barkeeper was putting on the table in front of the both male. But he was drinking too fast and now noticed how strong the drink actually was. But he overplayed it and tried to change the topic immediately while he was saying how good this was.

But Magnus noticed immediately that the young male next to him was lying. Since he knew what kind of faces he was making as soon as it came to alcohol if it was too strong. But for a moment he felt that this topic was getting in a direction he hadn’t thought that this would happen. Of course the warlock knew that Alec probably was never with a man in a relationship but before his coming out… „Alexander… just to make some things clear… Have you ever been in a relationship?“ Magnus asked slowly while he was looking at the young shadowhunter who was staying quiet and who doesn’t want to answer that question. And this was making it clear for him and he needed a strong drink for now as well. Did he really fell in love with someone who totally hasn’t any experience with things like a relationship? Probably Magnus had expected a lot but such thing? Not really… especially this man was so handsome and now also… so pure. And for the first time he was now totally insecure.

And the warlock was grabbing for his Martini to take a long sip from it what Alec noticed and he could feel that this was going in a direction they both didn’t want to at the beginning. And for a moment he was scared that the warlock next to him wouldn’t want to see him again. „Okay… you weirded it out…“ He said slowly before a sigh was escaping his lips.

„Why do you think I weirded it out?“ Magnus asked and was looking over to the younger male. He doesn’t want to give him the feeling that all this was going totally wrong. 

And for a few seconds it was quiet between them until Alec was trying to explain what was going on in his mind. „I didn’t want that you would think that there is something wrong with me. Because I grew up at the institute. Because…“ And now he was thinking how to say it and he took a deep breath. „… I know I couldn’t have what I wanted. Until… you came along.“ The last words he was only whispering. And if Magnus hasn’t sit so close to the young male he probably hasn’t heard these words over the music in the bar. 

„Listen, Alexander. Nothing is wrong with you.“ The warlock told him also softer then usual and he was thinking to touch the hand from the young male. But he decided to not doing this. But there was another thought in his mind what he wanted to say out loud. „You’re so… innocent.“

But that was something what Alec totally doesn’t want to hear because he knew that everyone in his age wasn’t so inexperienced anymore like he was. Especially not his sister or Jace. „I don’t want that you treat me different.“ He mumbled and somehow there was this thought that Magnus would still want to give him the time for everything or if he would just leave him and want that the both of them would only be friends. And again Alec was overthinking. 

„Alexander, you are different. And this is a good thing.“ Magnus was explaining the young male. Indeed was the shadowhunter different in so many ways. He was able to unlock something in him without that he even doesn’t want it. And the young male next to him was treating him very different then all the other shadowhunters. And maybe he was hoping that Alec would make him happy again. Happy in a way he doesn’t felt since a long while. But of course the warlock wanted to give it time.

For a moment the dark haired shadowhunter was running his fingers through his hair before he finally said again: „What about you? You must have a lot of exes…“ And right now Alec felt even more insecure and something in him just wanted to get up and just leave. Of course must Magnus have people… a lot of memories… and then there was him…

Magnus was almost choking in his drink because of this question. Actually he doesn’t want to talk about this. He was here with Alec and also wanted to put the whole attention on the time he was having with him. But the warlock knew… he started it somehow. „It’s all in the past.“ Was his answer and he wasn’t actually looking at Alec at the moment. But of course Alec wanted to have an answer and Magnus needed to take a deep breath. „Alexander, I lived for centuries! I was with men, woman, seelies, vampires…“

„How many?“ Now the young shadowhunter was really curious. And he tried to push away that feeling in his stomach what was just coming up in him. For a moment Magnus was trying to push this topic away. But Alec wanted to know it for sure. „Come on. You know what I’m talking about. You can round if you aren’t that sure anymore.“ But something in the archer was telling him that he doesn’t want to know the answer anymore and he felt sick now. 

For a moment Magnus must think about it. Of course he doesn’t know the real number anymore because one day he stopped counting and with some of them there was just sex and nothing more. „Okay… you wanna know? I’m going to tell you. 17…“ But something in him was stopping. Or it was because Alec was looking more happy now as he interrupted him in his little break: „17? That’s not much. That’s…“ But Alec noticed that Magnus wanted to say more and his smile was disappearing from his face. „Wait… 17… hundred… thousand…“

And that was as the warlock was interrupting him immediately: „Like I said, Alexander. They are all in the past! Look… right now I’m here with you…“ Magnus told Alec and this time he was touching the hand from the younger male, which one was still laying on the glass in front of him. 

But this touch wasn’t helping Alec to overthink everything again and to get depressed without that he even wanted it. And without that he was thinking about his words again they just came out of his mouth: „Yeah… me… and 17.000 other memories…“

On the inside Magnus must admit that Alec was right. But he was here with him and he was more then ready to make new memories… with the young shadowhunter who started to mean so much to him already. Also he understood his insecurity completely and if he would talk to him, the warlock was more then ready to help him through this. „Look. I am who I am and you are who you are. Nothing in this world can change it. Can we just try to make the best of it?“ Of course he couldn’t decide for Alec what he was going to do.

The shadowhunter gave Magnus a little smile before he said: „Sure. But… can we go?“ Somehow he wasn’t feeling it anymore. He couldn’t relax after all this and his mind was starting to think about too much. Maybe that was too much right now and he felt more and more insecure because he was so inexperienced. But without waiting fort he answer from the warlock he was paying his drinks and got up from his seat to leave the bar.

Magnus was scared that all of this has destroyed it. But he couldn’t change his past. Also that Alec was actually inexperienced. Of course he didn’t knew that as he was falling head over heals for this young man. And this feelings were still there but right now he wasn’t sure how Alec was feeling. He also doesn’t want to bring this up again. But in that moment as he wanted to create a portal to his loft, Alec wanted to walk. How it seems they both wanted to take the same way. So he was walking with him.

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The way was a bit longer but Magnus was liking to walk at night with countless stars on the sky and he had also nice company. Even if this company wasn’t that nice right now because there wasn’t any conversation between him and Alec. So that was the reasons why the warlock was staying quiet and something in him was telling, that this wasn’t a good sign. Sure the date doesn’t end very well but probably he could have fixed it somehow. And the both males has to learn a lot of things. For Alec because everything was new for him and for Magnus… because he was forgetting some things and his last relationship was a while ago.

And after a while they arrived the loft from the warlock and the older male was saying: „It’s always great such a walk at night.“ But he noticed that Alec was still quiet and somehow he could see that he was still thinking. „Alexander, listen…“ Magnus started but Alec was shaking with his head before he started: „Magnus… do you think we are too…“ But somehow doesn’t found the right word right now even if the way to the loft was long. Something in him was screaming from everything what was going on in him. But Alec had no idea how to bring this out.

But even if Alec doesn’t had the right words, Magnus had and he was scared to speak out these words. That’s why he was pouring himself a drink while he mumbled: „Different? Yes… we are from totally different worlds.“ And he was speaking the words slowly. Even if they were true. But the older male noticed the look on the face from Alec what gave him a weird feeling.

„More… different centuries…“ The young shadowhunter mumbled before he ran with his fingers through his hair. Right now he was totally overwhelmed with everything and he knew this was getting a sleepless night for him. „I… I should go…“ And without waiting for a reply from Magnus he made his way over to the door. Something in him wanted to run away right now. But there was another side in him which was stopping him. Which was screaming that he would lose something what was just starting. He was inexperienced but he was still starting to have real feelings for the other male. Alec was enjoying to spend time with Magnus and he was feeling more like himself. „By the angels…“ He whispered to himself before he turned around and made his way over to the older male.

For a moment Magnus had thought that this was it. That Alec was too insecure and not ready for a relationship. Especially not with him. And for a moment his heart was starting to break and his own insecurities were coming out. But then the warlock noticed how something was going to change and Alec came closer to him. He wanted to say something but it wasn’t possible for him because in the exact same moment the archer was cupping his cheeks and he started to kiss him. It needed a few seconds until also the warlock was answering the kiss from Alec. It was actually the first one which came from him and it let the feelings in his stomach make a few flips what he was totally enjoying.

Alec was surprised about himself that he was going to make this decission. But the warlock meant too much for him and he wanted to know where all this was going. „I uhm…“ he started after the kiss and he was looking deep into the eyes from the other male who was a bit smaller then him. „I heard relationships take effort…“ Alec add and his heart was racing. Maybe there was fear in him because he was so different and he was also scared that all of him was too much.

„I’m all for effort.“ Magnus whispered and he wasn’t saying this because this was probably something what Alec wanted to hear. But he was more saying it because he meant it and because he wanted to put everything in this to show what he was starting to feel for Alec, the man who was so special. His heart was making a flip because the young male was making this decission. 

But in that moment as he wanted to ask him if this was the start now for relationship, the door from the loft opened and a familiar face came inside. Jace who was totally ruining the mood right now and what let both males stop touching each other. The blond male noticed what he did and was apologizing before he was asking for a room. And Alec and Magnus were wondering what happened at the institute that Jace was looking for a place to stay.


	13. Panic Attack

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaaaaaaaaaand...
> 
> here we have finally the next chapter :D This time included with a little angst. I hope you enjoy it.

Chapter 13: Panic Attack

Since Magnus gave Jace a room in his loft the relationship with Alec wasn’t like he had thought would be because they weren’t really alone and it was hard to let happen that Alec was stopping to be so tensed. But he gave him time even if he was hoping on the inside that the problem at the institute would be solved soon and Jace would move out again. Of course he wasn’t saying it out loud. 

But at least Magnus and Alec had some time alone for a moment that they could make out on the balcony with a glass of wine and the younger male was starting to enjoy it. He felt as if all of his problems weren’t there when he was together with Magnus and he always had a good feeling with him. And more and more he knew that he was making the right decission to not really caring with how many people Magnus was in the past. Even if something was telling him that this thought was only there now.

They had their time alone until… the phone from Alec was ringing and showing that he has a message, which was from Izzy to tell him that he and Jace should come to the institute. It let a deep sigh escape his lips because he was starting to hate this. „I have to go to the institute.“ He said and showed that he wasn’t so happy about it. But Magnus wasn’t unhappy because of it. He knew with who he fell in love and he was proud of him. „Go and save the word, shadowhunter.“ The warlock said in a teasing manner while he was stroking over his lower lip where he could still feel the soft lips from the young male next to him.

Alec was only smiling for a moment before he got up and he was ignoring this ticklish feeling in his stomach what happened only when he was together with this warlock who was so special for him. But before he was leaving the loft he went into the bedroom to tell Jace that they both were needed at the institute right now. Even if he knew that the other male wasn’t happy about it to go there also because he had a visitor. If Alec would know what was going on between him and Clary he would understand him more. But not in that moment. He knew when Jacen doesn’t want to talk and right now he was pushing him more to get dressed that they could both go to the institute.

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There wasn’t only some demons Alec and Jace needed to take care off but also a report the dark haired shadowhunter needed to give to the clave and Aldertreee. But in that moment as he wanted to take care of this, he saw a blonde young woman who was more looking stressed but Alec could also see something else. And he took a deep breath. He knew that it wasn’t a great move to just leave Lydia on the wedding day and have this coming out. Right now he was a bit stressed and was rubbing with his hands over the back from his neck before he finally moved over to the young woman and he said after he took the arm from her to stop her: „Lydia, can I talk to you for a second?“

Lydia was a bit confused as she could feel a hand on her arm and she was looking up to her former fiance before she said: „Alec, what’s wrong?“ 

For a moment Alec didn’t know how to put it in words what he wanted to say right now. Because also this was new for him. „Lydia, I… I wanted to apologize. I knew it wasn’t the best move from me to do this to you and…“ But the archer couldn’t continue his sentence because Lydia was stopping him while she raised a hand. „Alec, stop. I have a question. Are you happy?“

Alec must admit that he wasn’t expecting this question from her and he opened his mouth, only to close it again. Only to think about this question. And a little smile was appearing on his lips before he finally answered: „Actually… I am happy.“ Even if he wasn’t in this relationship with Magnus for long… the feelings which one the other male gave him were giving him a good feeling.

„And this is the most important thing. You finally thought about yourself, Alec And your happiness always comes first. Believe me. I will be okay. I told you already before that your happiness comes first.“ And in the voice from Lydia was nothing but the truth and honesty. Alec had thought he need to be scared that she will go over him and hate him. But there wasn’t anything like that and this put a little smile on his lips. „And even if the clave doesn’t like it now… they will get used to it. Maybe things are changing.“

Alec was thinking about it. Maybe this was true. But he doesn’t want tot hink about it now. He knew that Lyida was right. It was more important that he was happy. But the dark haired shadowhunter wasn’t so sure about it that everyone will accept it and especially him. But there was something else what he was interested in and he asked immediately: „What are you going to do now… since Aldertree is here?“

Lydia was crossing her arms before her chest and she was shrugging with her shoulders. „I’m planning on going back to Idris. But, Alec… don’t give up. You know that Aldertree is only here for some time until the clave found someone new who can lead this institute. And we both know who the perfect person was for this job.“ She was trying to build Alec up and to show him that it wasn’t the end anymore. That he can still be the head of the institute even after all this. And even if Alec doesn’t believe in this right now. That was the reason why he doesn’t gave her an answer but he was wishing her good luck back in Idris. And right now… maybe there was already shown that Lydia was caring about Alec and that she was his friend.

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A few days has passed by since that day. And from the happiness Alec felt because of Magnus and their relationship wasn’t much left anymore. He hasn’t seen the warlock very often since a while because Aldertree was doing everything to keep him busy. Also because there were things going on which were going deep into the young shadowhunters and which were eating him and his own depression up. And maybe he doesn’t want that Magnus should see him like that or see what kind of a mess he actually was if he was pulling down his own wall.

But there was too much things which were totally killing him on the inside. He hasn’t heard anything from his mother since she was back in Idris and Robert was making sure to ignore him whenever he was back at the institute. His fellow shadowhunters were talking behind his back because of his sexuality and how different he actually was. And then he could hear the hint that his own dream will never become true… leading his own institute.

All this let happen that his wall which he tried to build around him was breaking and Alec could just go back into his room before he had a total breakdown. Because everything was too much for him right now.

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Magnus was at his loft and he was checking his phone every moment because there was this weird feeling in his stomach which grew into worry. For a moment he thought he was only overreacting. Or that his thoughts were just childish. But he was worried because Alec hasn’t answered his texts and he knew that he would do it as soon as he had some time. And even if it was just a bit. 

But… there wasn’t anything. And the warlock hasn’t seen his shadowhunter since days. Normally he would ignore his feeling and just do his own things. But something was telling him that he should go to the institute to check on Alec. Only because he wanted to see him again. Also because he was missing him. That’s why he jumped up from his seat and created a portal to the institute.

And as he was walking in there he could see a lot of shadowhunters which were busy with a lot of stuffs or just some which were preparing themself for the next mission. Magnus was looking around if he could see a specific dark haired shadowhunter and ignored the looks from the others around him. Until he saw Isabelle Lightwood and he went over to her. 

„Izzy, do you have seen Alec?“ Magnus asked and showed that he was worried while Izzy was a bit surprised to hear the question from the warlock. „The last time as I saw him he went into his room. Is something wrong?“ 

„I just haven’t heard something from him since hours. I only want to check on him.“ Magnus told the younger sister from Alec and he gave her a smile and he made his way over tot he private rooms from the local shadowhunters. And he could hear what Izzy was saying to him. That she was happy that Alec found someone like Magnus who is so caring and sweet. Somehow this put a smile on his lips and he was glad that at least Alecs sister was approving of it that they both were dating. But he was trying anyway to make the young shadowhunter happy because he knew how much he was deserving it.

Then he arrived at the door which was leading him to the room from Alec and he was knocking on the door. „Alexander?“ Magnus asked slowly and was starting to be worried as he doesn’t get an answer after a moment. And the bad feeling in his stomach was only growing. Even more as he could hear a sound which doesn’t sound good.

That was the reason why the warlock just opened the door and looked around. Only to see his boyfriend in a corner, shaking and trying to breath. Magnus was calling out his name and ran over to him because he realized quickly that Alec was having a panic attack. Only because he knew this on his own. „Alexander, listen to me. You need to calm down and to breath.“ He told the younger male and showed that he was worried but also that he wanted to help him.

Alec was taken aback for a moment because he wasn’t expecting that Magnus would come into his room and would see him like that and that was the reason why he was breathing faster. Or trying to because he couldn’t breath at all. And he was pushing the hands away which one wanted to touch him. Only because he wanted that the warlock should go again. „No… I can’t…“ He brought out even if it was hard for him.

But even if Magnus noticed that Alec doesn’t want help he doesn’t allow it that the young mal would push him away. Right now he knew how much he was needing him and he loved him and wouldn’t allow it to leave him alone with there. „You can. Take my hand, Alexander. And breath with me.“ He whispered softly but with a strict voice. And he almost sat in the lap from the young shadowhunter now.

For a moment Alec was hesitating but then he was taking the hands from Magnus and he was looking into the eyes from the other male out of his own dark and wide eyes before he was trying to catch the breath from him. Normally his panic attack would go that far until he would pass out because of the lack o fair. But this time it was different. Magnus was there to help him through this and maybe a few little tears were running out of his eyes.

And it didn’t take long, until he was catching the breath from Magnus and he was finally breathing with him until it was going to be normal again, and he could feel how the warlock was stroking the few tears away, which were running down his cheeks. „magnus…“ Alec started and his hands were touching the hips from the other male. „From where did you know…“ He add and was looking into the eyes from him.

„I was worried. I didn’t get a text or anything from you since a while and something in me was saying that there was something wrong.“ The warlock started before he was kissing the forehead from Alec softly to show that he wasn’t alone and that he would be always there for him. „Are you going to tell me what’s going on, my dear? Such a panic attack doesn’t come out of nowhere.“ 

Alec noticed that he couldn’t wave it away and say that it was nothing because he knew that Magnus wasn’t stupid and he wouldn’t believe him. „I… I don’t know… I never will be good enough. For my parents, the clave, everyone else…“ He started and must swallow but he couldn’t push the tears away which started to run out of his eyes. „Since I had my coming out no one is taking me serious anymore and is treating me different. My parents lost the institute and I will never become head of the institute… Everyone is talking behind my back because of my relationship with a downworlder… with you“

The warlock was blinking because of this confession. „Alexander, I have a question for you? Do you regret it? With us both?“ He asked him and his voice was a whisper. Something in him was preparing himself for the worst and he had a weird feeling. What would happen if Alec would say that everything was a mistake? That it was a mistake what they both had.

„What? Magnus no! With you I have everything… what I ever wanted. I never want to have something else.“ Alec brought out and he must swallow hard. Only because of his outburst of feelings right now. And the warlock must smile about this because these words let him breath again. „Then… let me tell you something, Alexander. Let them talk! They aren’t used to this and they need time to except it. And because of not being good enough… my dear, you are the best fighter and the best shadowhunter I ever saw! Stop bringing yourself down and stop listening to everyone who is saying otherwise. And one day you will be head of the institute because you are the leader who all these shadowhunters need.“

The words from Magnus were soft but with a lot pressure which were going into the head from the young shadowhunter. He was the first who was really supporting him. Except of his siblings. And it was meaning a lot for Alec that he was smiling a bit before he could feel soft lips on his own ones which let his heart beat faster again. This warlock was there for him no matter what and he doesn’t let him feel different then before even if he just showed a weak side of him.

„Listen. You need rest now and for the weekend… we are leaving the town for a while. You need some space from all of this.“ Magnus wasn’t even asking if Alec was okay with this. He only wanted to see this smile on the lips from the younger male again which one was making him so weak all the time. And after he got on his feet again he also was helping up the younger male who had a look in his eyes what should say that he was scared again. „Are you going to stay?“ He asked slowly and also a bit shy.

„Alexander…“ Magnus started softly and got on his tiptoes to kiss him again for a second. „I’m not going anywhere.“ He add and that was a promise. This will always be a promise and this brought a smile on the taller male while he let it happen that Magnus was leading him over to the bed. And they were both laying inside of it next to each other. Right now no one was caring that they were sleeping at the institute. All what matters for them was, laying in the arms from the other male.

And it doesn’t take very long and only a few more kisses until Alec and Magnus fell asleep.


	14. I Show You The World

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes... hello... I'm still alive and this Fanfic is still continuing! There was so much going on in my life lately that I barely had time for writing. But Of course I will do my best to continue this story because there is so much to write and so many possibilities to go! And I hope you will stay here with me even if the show is ending next week *sniff*

Chapter 14: I show you the world

Magnus had trouble to fall asleep. It was their first time that they were sleeping in one bed together. And in that moment as Alec was sleeping very deeply he started to snore. But the warlock doesn’t want to wake up the younger male because he knew after this panic attack he needed the sleep. That’s why he was only listening to the sounds Alec was making and he was smiling more and more because they were sounding cute in his eyes. 

And even if the little snorings were keeping him up for a while he was getting used to them quickly and fell asleep again. In his sleep he was cuddling closer to the younger male without that he even wanted it or even knew if Alec would like it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And they were sleeping in one bed together for the first night without that the other woke up because of something. But as Alec opened his eyes as soon as the sun was shining in his room he opened his eyes. Something in him knew that he slept too long and he should be already training.

But in that moment as he wanted to jump out of his bed, he noticed that there was a change. And this change was that he wasn’t sleeping alone in the bed. Magnus was with him and he was still sleeping peacefully what let Alec smile for a moment. Because he noticed his smudgy make up. Especially around his eyes. But he was still beautiful in the eyes from the archer. And right now… he couldn’t stop looking at him. 

Even while the memories from yesterday came back in his mind. And that let the smile on his lips die for a moment. He felt weak now. Because Magnus saw him in that mood as he had his breakdown. Normally no one knows from it. But would that change something between them now? Alec shook a bit with his head. If this would be the case… the warlock wouldn’t be here or he had helped him. Maybe this man was everything what he needed.

And while he was thinking about it and maybe also overthinking a lot he noticed how the warlock was moving and he opened his mouth a second later. Only to blink a couple times until he realized that Alec was there. „Morning.“ He only mumbles before he was rubbing his eyes and his make up was getting more smudgy then actually before what let Alec chuckle a bit.

And he was leading his thumb to the cheek and eyes. Only to whipe away the make up which wasn’t on point. And he doesn’t stop looking at the warlock.

Magnus wasn’t looking away either. He was surprised as Alec was doing this but this movement let his smile only become bigger and he realized how much this young shadowhunter meant for him. And he put the hand in the neck from Alec before he was pulling him closer to kiss him softly and with passion.

Alec was closing his eyes and he was moving closer to the warlock while he was kissing him back and there was this smile on his lips. He felt lucky and he noticed more and more that he doesn’t want to lose the warlock. And he was too deep in this moment that he doesn’t know that something happened. But the older male noticed it and he grinned against the lips from the younger male before he whispered: „Tell me this is your stele which is pressing against me.“ And Magnus was teasing a lot because that’s what he was and he likes to do this to his boyfriend.

But this was too much again because the first seconds Alec was confused before he noticed what was actually going on and he wanted to jump up to ran into the bathroom again. But this time the warlock was faster and he whispered softly: „Hey. It’s okay. What you feel is normal. Just… don’t stress to much okay. We have all the time in the world.“ And he wanted to show the younger male that it was okay for him that he wasn’t as experience as he was.

„I know. And I appreciate it that you give me that time.“ Alec whispered even if he doesn’t know when there was time for this step. But it wasn’t as if he hasn’t already thought a lot about this. But he never trusted anyone else for this. And Magnus is the first one he ever felt comfortable getting touched and a lot more. It was just hard for him to express his feelings and also his biggest problem was his overthinking.

„Okay… then go and make yourself ready because I need to show you a wonderful place. One of my favorites to be honest.“ Magnus said and he gave Alec a wink what let the younger male get curious and he openes his mouth because he wanted to ask what it was. But the warlock but a finger on the lips from him to show him that he wouldn’t answer any questions.

That let the young shadowhunter only roll with his eyes and he got up from the bed to walk into the bathroom to take a shower. Which was more then only needed after yesterday.

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While alec was in the bathroom, magnus got up from the bed and he checked himself in the mirror… only to realize that he was looking like shit how his make up was looking like right now. But he changed it immediately while snapping with his fingers and his blue magic brought his make up on point again. But he realized again how lucky he was. Even if alec was the first person he started a relationship who was still so innocent and a virgin. Of course he was giving him time for everything. Stressing him with going too much into this wouldn’t help them both. And of course magnus wanted that alec was ready for this. Which one he wanted to give him. Because that was exactly this what he deserved after what he was going through as a shadowhunter. Magnus knew Maryse and Robert and he had heard some things. That was also the reason why he wanted to give Alec a great time. Something what he deserved.

And while he had all those thoughts in his head he made his way to the window to look out. But not for long because a familiar voice brought him back out of it and let happen that he was turning around again.

Alec was done with the shower and he was looking good again what let both male smile at each other while Alec was glad that Magnus doesn’t said anything because of his breakdown the day before. „Okay… are you going to tell me where you want to lead me?“

„Maybe. But it’s still a surprise, my dear shadowhunter.“ Magnus said and he was giving alec a wink before he took his hand to pull the taler male out of the institute and then he was creating a portal. Actually he had no problem with it how many shadowhunters were seeing them. Even if alec probably felt different. But both males were on a way for a relationship.

Magnus was creating a portal and he was leading Alec through it with a smile. And even if the young shadowhunter doesn’t know where they were going, Magnus could feel and see that he doesn’t hesitate any second and that he was trusting him. And that let his stomach made a flip because he hasn’t seen that since a very long time.

Alec was trusting Magnus. But he had thought that they would stay in New York and go tot he Hunters Moon or Takis or in any other restaurant there. He hadn’t actually never thought that they would go in a different country. Just as he was stepping out of the portal and he was in a very quiet corner he noticed quickly that this wasn’t New York anymore. Even if this was only a little street, the young shadowhunter still noticed it because he knew every street there and probably better then any other shadowhunter or mundane. „Magnus? Where are we?“ He asked slowly while he was stepping out of the street and right into one of a busy street in which one people were rushing but doesn’t watching where they were going.

That was the reason why the warlock was grabbing the arm from the young shadowhunter to pull him back before someone with a bicycle was hurting him. „Welcome in Tokyo, my dear Alexander.“ He said then with a smile and kissed Alec softly. „Tokyo? What… why? Tokyo?“ He was asking over and over again and there was a nervous ramble at first. „I thought we wanted to eat something.“ Was he nervous? He was totally because this was a place which one he doesn’t know. But the archer tried to hide it what would work perfectly with anyone else but not with Magnus. He was smiling a bit and he was stroking softly over the arms from him to show him that it was okay and that this place was safe. „We will. We are going to eat something in one of my favorite restaurant. But if you don’t feel comfortable enough we can also go back to New York.“

Alec was blinking and he was calming down because oft he touch from Magnus. He was safe with him and he knew that. That’s why he shook with his head before he said: „no… let’s do it. Show me your favorite restaurant.“ Because now the young shadowhunter was curious and he was also hungry.

Those words put a smile on the lips from magnus before he took his hand and he was leading alec to a restaurant which wasn’t far away anymore. He was leading him inside and noticed that alec was looking around and that he was watching everything closly. Like the shadowhunter he was. And right now the warlock was wondering if he ever put this away from him. But on the other side… if you grew up like a warrior… nothing will really change.

But magnus didn’t say anything and he was leading alec to a table in a quiet corner. Alec followed the other male and sat down in the opposite from him before he took the menue from the waitress. Actually he was a little overwhelmed with everything and the new situation. But maybe he needs to get used to it when he has a warlock in his life who started to surprise him in so many ways.

But Alec was overwhelmed with the food and even if it was also in english he had no idea what to take or what he would like there. „Okay… i think I take the same as you do.“ He said and he knew that this was the easiest way to pick up something and to not let show his insecurities.

But even if the young shadowhunter was trying not to show it, Magnus could see it and he was only smiling before he was ordering their food as soon she waitress came to them again. „Listen. I didn’t brought you here just because of the food. I brought you here because you deserve to get away from all the stress and… we haven’t seen each other since that night and I was afraid that you would avoid me.“

„What? Do you think that I would regret my decission? Magnus, no!“ Alec was saying immediately and he shook with his head quickly. „By the angels no! I… I missed you as well. But it was so busy and…!“ He stopped for a moment. Actually the young shadowhunter doesn’t want to think about his breakdown again. „Just… don’t think that I would regret anything to spend time with you. Because that’s not true. Magnus, I would never regret it to kiss you at my wedding or to let you in my heart.“ He said and stopped in that moment as he could feel how the warlock was touching his hand.

„I know. I know, Alexander. I just want to let you know that also you need some time for yourself. I will always be here and wait for you and never forget that there is always a place for you at my loft.“ The warlock was explaining to the young shadowhunter and he saw the smile from him. That smile what he was always loving so much and what made him weak. But he also wanted to tell Alec that there was no rush to jump into the next step to quickly. His heart belonged already to the young shadowhunter and nothing will change that. Because even if Alec hasn’t told him yet what he truly feels… Magnus could feel it. How he was looking at him and in the kisses they were sharing.

Before anyone else could say something the waitress brought the plates with the sushi rolls and it was shown that it was new for Alec and that he never ate this. Because he was looking at the rolls with caution… like as if he was ready to attack them as soon as they were starting to move. Magnus must hide his laugh while he was deciding to play a bit with the young male. And since they were sitting in a quiet corner and no one was really looking at them, Magnus was moving his fingers for a second and with magic he let happen that one oft he sushi rolls was jumping up and down on the plate.

Alec wasn’t actually expecting this and that was the reason why he was freaked out a bit and he was searching for his seraph blade immediately. One of his usually movements when he was in his shadowhunter mode. But he noticed quickly the blue magic. „Magnus…“ He said and was very surprised as he could see how the older male was starting to laugh.

„I’m sorry, Alexander. But you were looking at the sushi as if it would attack you. But… taste it. They are delicious.“ He was saying with a big smile on his lips before he was leading one of the rolls into the mouth from the young shadowhunter, who was looking a bit surprised at first because no one was feeding him like this before. But he opened his mouth and was eating it slowly. At first the taste was strange but then he was going to like it. „It’s… it’s great!“ He was admitting before he took another one to eat it.

„Do you have some other plans here?“ He asked then and forgot his manners while he was speaking with his mouth full. But Magnus doesn’t care. He was liking it more that Alec was enjoying all this. But then he shook with his head before he said: „No. I actually wanted to show you this restaurant. But we can walk around here. I heard Tokyo had some nice places.“ And with these words he was admitting that he never was exploring this city. Mostly because he was here alone. It was the first time that he was spending time in this city with the person he loves.

„We can walk around here together…“ Alec was suggesting slowly and a shy smile was appearing on his lips. Even if he was probably needed back at the institute, even if he has a day off, he wanted to spend his time together with the man he loved in a city he never saw before. And he saw the smile on the face from his warlock what told him that he was liking this. 

This let Alec feel even more excited right now.


	15. Adventures In Tokyo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'all I think we all sad that Shadowhunters is over. But I promise you all that I won't stop writing because there is so much to tell. And I'm too far at the beginning with this story. There is so much more what will come in the future! I only need to decide which way I will go with this because of too many ideas and too many directions. 
> 
> But... I hope you like this story so far!

Chapter 15: Adventures in Tokyo

Alec and Magnus wer espending some time in the restaurant while they were eating sushi and had also some sake, which one Alec wasn’t used to it and he was making that face what he always made when he was trying something new. And Magnus was loving this even if he would never admit it out loud. 

„Okay. Do you want something else? Are you still hungry?“ The warlock asked and he would order something more if his shadowhunter would still want it. But that wasn’t the case and he was paying everything what they had.

„You didn’t have do that, Magnus. I could’ve paid my food on my own.“ The young shadowhunter add and he looked on the ground. It was shown that he wasn’t used to something like that. But in the moment as he could feel the hand from the warlock in his own he looked over to him and saw in a smiling face. „Alexander, I told you that I would lead you to one of my favorite restaurants and of course I pay for our date.“ He said and gave him a wink. 

And both males knew that this date wasn’t ruined this time. Ruined from jealousy from Alec because of the past relationships from Magnus. This time everything was perfect and the both of them had a lot of fun. Also now while they were searching a way where they should go at first.

Because Tokyo was a big city the archer bought a map and a guidebook to see where the most special places where. But he didn’t bought only that but also something else what he thought would be a great present for his boyfriend, what he was planning to give him later. When they were back in New York.

But right now they started to make a little tour and Magnus brought them to the special places of their interest by creating portals when no one were looking at them.

One of the special places where the Tokio Tower and the Asakusa Temple. And Alec was very excited because of the temple and actually he had never seen something like that. „How can the shadowhunters which are living here not to see such a beautiful building?“ Alec asked while he couldn’t stop looking at the building and he was standing in the middle of the way that the other tourists needed to walk around him.

Magnus was smiling the whole time. Not because he realized that this young man never saw the world and who was focused on hunting demons for a living. But seeing this look on his face and how he excited he was… it was reminding him more like a little kid which knew that christmas and easter was on the same day. „You forget that they grew up here and it’s not new for them like it’s for you. They would feel the same in New York.“ Magnus said softly and he chuckled before he was kissing the young shadowhunter. „you are cute when you are like that, my pretty boy.“ He whispered and opened his eyes in the exact same moment as he could see how the cheeks from the other male were turning a bit red.

But before the younger male could say something about it he noticed a little girl which came to them and was talking to Alec in a very fast japanese. But he couldn’t understand any of it what she told him what let happen that a confused look was on his face before a smile appeared on his features. And he went down down on his knees to try to explain to her that he wasn’t speaking her language. 

It needs a moment until they were somehow understanding each other and he took something from the little girl before a woman came, who was apparently her mother and she was apologizing in japanese but Alec shook only with his head while he was smiling. Actually he was liking this girl and showed it to her by trying to thank her.

Magnus was watching the whole scenario and he couldn’t stop looking at Alec and how he was around this little girl and how he tried to get over this language crisis. It let his heart beat even faster. And the warlock could see the young shadowhunter as a father already and he was feeling even more love for him. „You are good with kids.“ He said after the kid and her mother were gone and he was watching how Alec was getting up again.

„I was helping with Izzy and Max growing up.“ Alec only said while he was looking at the little present which he got from this little girl. What he wasn’t telling Magnus right now, was that there was a wish inside of him from having an own family. But actually the young shadowhunter had never thought that this was possible for him. That was the reason why he wasn’t saying something else about this topic. He wanted to explore this temple together with the warlock. That’s why he took the hand from his boyfriend and he pulled him with him.

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They were spending some time at the temple and Alec heard something that it would bring luck if you are going to do some prayers. Actually he wasn’t the type of that person but he did the same like the other tourists and people who are living here and he also closed his eyes to wish something.

Magnus was only watching the young male while he was walking around a bit but not too far. He was smiling and he couldn’t believe how different Alec was right now then he was when they were in New York. And it told the warlock that there were different sides of the young male and he wanted to see everyone oft hem. „What did you wish, my dear?“ Magnus asked as he was watching how Alec came back to him and they were deciding to continue to walk around. He would never want to admit it but he was curious right now. What could his boyfriend want and what he would wish for himself in the exact moment?

But Alec had only a mystirious look on his face and he was shrugging with his shoulders. „They are saying that it will never become true if you say your wish out loud.“ He said with a little smile on his lips while he was thinking about his own wish. Maybe one day they will become true but this will only say the time… and how it will work out with everything and especially with Magnus.

And this male was pouting a bit because of this secret but then he was smiling. He would never push Alec to tell him something if he doesn’t want to talk about it. Especially i fit was such an important wish like that. But he was hoping that for Alec everything will come true because actually that it was what he deserves.

Then the next step for them was a photo booth. There weren’t many of them anymore and Magnus knew it. Also that this could be something special. But he actually wanted to continue his way as Alec had other plans. Also he had noticed it and he saw a couple coming out of this booth and they were looking happily at each other and at the pictures. The young shadowhunter was able to see a bit from them and it let beat his heart a bit faster when he was thinking about it when Magnus and him where on them. That was the reason why he was looking a bit shy to the other male to see what he was thinking about it. „This could be… a great memory…“ He started and showed that he was afraid that Magnus wouldn’t like it.

And actually the other male was never thinking about something like that. He hadn’t done it in a very long time. But he knew that the young archer was right. And he wanted to make all kind of memories with him. That’s why he was stroking over the back of the hand from Alec with his thumb before he whispered: „Let’s do it then.“ 

And in the booth the both males had a lot of fun. And they were doing a lot of photos together because Magnus manipulated the booth with his magic that they were able for it. Alec also stole some oft he jewellery from the warlock just to try something out and they were trying some different poses that they were forgetting totally the time.

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„We should go home.“ Alec said after both males noticed that it was already getting dark. But he actually wasn’t feeling like it to go back to New York. Not after an amazing day like that where he could be finally someone else and where he finally could be more relaxed.

Magnus noticed it and he put a hand on the shoulder from the young male before he said with a little smile: „Only if you want to, Alexander. But… let me show you one more place.“ And he saw on the face from Alec that he was curious and that he wanted to go with him. What put a smile on his lips and the warlock created a portal to bring them to the place….

The Palace Hotel.

One oft he biggest and most expensive hotels in Tokyo but also the one with a very breathtaking view from the terrace of the building. And this one was showing most part of the city and their beautiful lights. But not only because of that. Also because this place is so special because the stars were even more beautiful. And the warlock was showing Alec these while he was pointing to the sky.

It was the first time for the young male that he was seeing them. That the was paying attention to them and he must admit that this view was really beautiful and breathtaking. Even if he was out at most nights he never paid attention to the sky or the stars. And now Alec realized that he missed all oft hat. And something in him was glad that Magnus was showing him all those things which put a smile on his lips.

„Look. Can you see these stars? That’s the Ursa Major.“ Magnus whispered close to the young shadowhunter. But instead that the smile was staying… it disappeared from the lips from Alec and he felt stupid again. „Magnus… you can tell me so much about the stars and also lies… and I would believe you. I… I don’t have any ideas about this.“ He whispered and was leaning against the railing from the terrace while he tried not to look at the warlock. He doesn’t want to look like someone who is stupid.

But for the other male it was very different and he would never see the archer like that. „Oh that’s not a problem. And while you have no idea from the stars, I also have no idea about so much other things you know.“ He whispered and he was flirting right now while he was stroking over the arm from Alec and over his rune. „What about you start to share some knowledge.“ He add and came closer to Alec as he took the hand from him before he placed some soft kisses on his soundless rune. 

„Tell me everything about your runes, Alexander.“ The warlock whispered and somehow Alec was starting to feel different again. This whole situation made everything even more crazy and hot. And he couldn’t do something else except to whisper „Soundless…“ before he started to kiss Magnus very deep and with passion and he pushed him against the next wall.

But this kiss doesn’t hold for long because Magnus stopped it again before he was starting to kiss over the neck from Alec and over the deflect rune what drove Alec totally crazy. It needed some tries before he was saying the name from the rune between sounds he wouldn’t normally do and what let his cheeks turn bright red.

That was for Magnus the moment to take the hand from Alec and to pull him inside oft he hotel. He knew they needed some privacy and he wanted to give this to the young shadowhunter.


End file.
